I am not the only cowboy

And it starts like this
We crave to be kissed by a moment complete in its happiness
Far away from the things that we wish to escape
That lead us to think that we are not awake
We are ourselves despite ourselves
This place gets smaller as the universe swells
We come to terms eventually, eventually, eventually

I am not the only cowboy in this one horse metaphor
And I am not the only lifeguard who's washed up on the shore
Wake me up, take me out
Call me down when I'm in doubt
And I'm in doubt every day

Words are like weight with density and shape, modifying forms they evaporate
You can choose the truth, you can listen to light
You can lead the charge and still lose the fight
Far be it from me to claim anything
For I am just one in a state of being
I come to terms eventually, eventually, eventually

I am not the only proverb that never really fits
And I am not the only Caulfield who's catching more than kids
Wake me up, take me out
Call me down when I'm in doubt
And I'm in doubt

And so it ends as it begins as everything that is infinite ascends
Into its time all things pass
All things fade, all things last
You are yourself despite yourself
This world grows smaller as the universe swells
We come to terms eventually, eventually, eventually

And I am not the only boxer that hasn't words to write
And I am not the only poet who's much too scared to fight
Wake me up, take me out
Call me down when I'm in doubt
And I'm in doubt every day

na na-na na-na
na na-na na-na
na na-na na-na
na na-na na-na

And it starts like this
We crave to be kissed by a moment complete in its happiness
We are ourselves

*By Josh Joplin

The One and Only

I am the one and only,
Oh yeah!
Call me, call me by my name or call me by my number,
You put me through it,
I'll still be doing it the way I do it,
And yet, you try to make me forget,
Who I really am, don't tell me, I know best,
I'm not the same as all the rest,

Chorus:

I am the one and only,
Nobody I'd rather be,
I am the one and only,
You can't take that away from me

I've been a player in the crowd scene,
A flicker on the big screen,
My soul embraces, one more in a million faces,
High hopes and aspirations, ideas above my station
maybe but all this time I've tried to walk with dignity and pride

Chorus

I can't wear this uniform without some compromises,
Because you'll find out that we come,
In different shapes and sizes,
No one can be myself like I can,
For this job I'm the best man,
And while this may be true, you are the one and only you!

Chorus - repeat to fade out


By Chesney Hawkes, from the soundtrak to the movie "Doc Hollywood".

This Weekend....

..I flew down to Dallas to hang out with the GF, her family, and the adorable nephew. He's four years old now and all boy, and always glad to see me and the GF, I felt very redeemed! It's unfortunate that his mom and dad are not the most practical people, and I only hope that one day both of them will have their heads screwed back on correctly. (Custody issue, et., trust me, you don't want to know.)

It was warm in Texas but not too bad, the weather has cooled down quite a bit. The GF and I took the nephew out ot eat, and play at the elementary school playground that the GF also used to play at, it was so neat watching his little body swing back and forth on the swing! He's always quick with a kiss and a hug, I hope our kid will at least be half as cute and well-behaved as him!

I could have gone with the GF to see the shelter that she was volunteered at, but opted not to since I was still under the weather (sinus infection),and my brain's so saturated with hurricane Katrina news that I was ready to not hear about it for a while.

The GF asked me about what I felt on 9/11, I told her that I felt angry and that it was the event that changed just about everything as we know it.(Even if I didn't show it in a dramatic way.) Yours truly got sent to Iraq ( aside from believing that the Iraqis should be free...I don't really subscribe to the WMD and the "Axis of Evil" bullshit.), and we as a nation are more neurotic than ever, about everything. She told me that she's still not over 9/11, but what can we really do to honor the dead? Since nothing that anyone can do can bring them back, including nuking Iraq, Central Asia, and North Korea.

I don't propose to speak for the dead, but I think they'd probably prefer for those of us who are still alive to get out of our perspective funk and go on living. Do maybe something constructive with our lives and try not to worry about what we can't control, I guess that's the purpose.

The pets really miss the GF

The GF is still doing good things in Dallas, and so far, she has been seeing a lot problems with the incompetence of the Red Cross and most of all, FEMA, which doesn't even have a fully functional workstation set up yet in Dallas. I always knew that I didn't want to donate $ to these agencies, I mean, they never really inspired much confidence from me, even with the cheesy ads.

The pets, on the other hand, have taken to just being by themselves, and sort of avoiding contact with me, except during feeding time. I think they miss her a lot, and just consider me as not even a cheap substitute for their other mother. Maybe one day, my real kids will do the same to me, only listening to the GF and not me. When your pets don't really listen to you, life can be kind of depressing. People can be tricky too sometimes.

It's weird living alone in this two bedroom apt., but I know that the GF is doing good things so the weirdness is okay, for now.

But anytime that she feels ready, we are ready for her to run the house again!

A very sobering fact.

The U.S. Treasury is paying out more each month to sustain the war in Iraq than it did during the Vietnam War, according to a new report that calls the ongoing conflict "the most expensive military effort in the last 60 years."

The 84-page report, "The Iraq Quagmire: The Mounting Costs of the Iraq War and the Case for Bringing the Troops Home," says that the total bill for the war in Iraq has come to some $204 billion, or an average of $727 per U.S. citizen, not counting an additional $45 billion which is currently pending before Congress.

The report, which comes as Congress braces itself for the multi-billion costs of cleaning up after the unprecedented devastation inflicted this week on New Orleans and the broader Gulf Coast by Hurricane Katrina, also does not include at least another $25 billion request that the Pentagon is believed to be preparing to sustain operations in Iraq and Afghanistan into next year.

Released by two think tanks, the Institute for Policy Studies (IPS) and the International Relations Center, that have strongly opposed the Iraq war, the new study is their third since mid-2004 to attempt a comprehensive accounting of the human, social, and international ? as well as financial ? costs of the war on the U.S. and Iraq.

The new report also includes a plan by IPS Fellow Phyllis Bennis for an "immediate and complete withdrawal of troops, military contractors and U.S. corporations backing the U.S. occupation."

The plan calls for U.S. troops to cease all offensive actions, withdraw from population centers, and redeploy to Iraq's borders to help Iraqi forces secure them, and for Washington to reduce the size of its embassy in Baghdad, and announce that it has no intention of maintaining either permanent bases in Iraq or control of its oil.

Similar steps have recently also been advocated by conservative critics of the war, such as the former director of the National Security Agency, ret. Gen. William Odom.

Bennis also called for Washington to negotiate with Iraqi insurgents over the mechanisms of withdrawal and endorse talks between them and U.S.-backed Iraqi leaders.

The Pentagon, according to the report, is currently spending $5.6 billion per month on operations in Iraq, an amount that exceeds the average cost of $5.1 billion per month (in real 2004 dollars) for U.S. operations in Vietnam between 1964 and 1972.

"While fewer troops are in Iraq, the weapons they use are more expensive and they are paid more than their counterparts who served in Vietnam," according to the report, which noted that at current rates, Washington could spend more than $700 billion over 10 years ? $100 billion more than the total cost of the Vietnam War.

If the $204 billion appropriated for the war so far had been used instead for social programs, according to the report, it could have paid for the health care of the more than 46 million citizens without medical insurance, the hiring of 3.5 million elementary school teachers, or the construction of affordable housing units for nearly two million people.

The same amount of money would also be enough to effectively cut world hunger in half and still cover the costs of life-preserving anti-AIDS medication, childhood immunization, and the clean-water and sanitation needs of the world's developing nations for almost three years.

Those costs do not include long-term costs on the U.S. economy, including interest payments on that portion of the record federal budget deficit that is related to the war or the economic impacts on the families and small businesses of thousands of reservists and National Guard who have been called up to serve in Iraq.

Nor do they include the health-care and other benefits and disability payments to Iraq war veterans, which, according to a recent estimate published in the New York Times by Linda Bilmes, a public-finance expert at Harvard University, will likely cost $315 billion over 45 years.

Bilmes also estimated the potential impact of the war on the price of oil at five dollars a barrel, which, if sustained until 2010, will cost the U.S. economy some $119 billion.

But the economic costs to the U.S. are not the only measure of the war's costs.

Nearly 1,900 U.S. military personnel have been killed in Iraq since the March 19, 2003, invasion and more than 14,000 have been wounded.

Iraqis have borne a much higher toll, however. The new study quotes records of the number of Iraqi civilians killed as a direct result of the war and ensuing occupation at between 23,489 and 26,706, and the number of wounded at between 100,000 and 120,000.

Those figures do not take into account the death toll arising from indirect causes of the war and occupation, such as crime and infrastructure breakdowns. According to one study published last October by the British medical journal The Lancet, Iraq had suffered nearly 100,000 "excess deaths" between March 2003 and September 2004.

A joint Iraqi-UN report released last May found that 223,000 Iraqis are suffering from a chronic health problem directly caused by the war.

In addition, the new study cites reports that up to 6,000 Iraqi military and police units have been killed since the war started, with the vast majority of those casualties incurred over the past year.

Despite these tolls, as well the reported killings or arrests of 40,000 to 50,000 alleged insurgents, the number of resistant fighters in Iraq, according to the Pentagon's own estimates, has risen from 5,000 to 20,000 over a two-year period.

Meanwhile, electricity generation in Iraq, which finally surpassed prewar levels in July 2004, has not increased, while unemployment is estimated at between 20 to 60 percent, according to the report.

U.S. national security has also been degraded, according to the report, which cited recent State Department figures indicating that the number of "significant" international terrorist attacks has more than doubled since 2003, while terrorist attacks in Iraq has increased nine-fold.

Army recruitment this month remained at 11 percent behind its annual targets, while the Reserve and Army National Guard shortfalls are running twice as high. In addition, roughly 48,000 members of the National Guard and Reserve, a disproportionate number of whom are police officers, firefighters, and emergency medical personnel in their home communities, are currently serving in Iraq.

The absence of these "first responders" back home has become a major preoccupation for local and state governments, including those in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama hardest hit by Katrina.

So.....

With the ongoing war on terror, result yet to be seen, the tragedy of hurricane Katrina, political extremist using these scenarios to incite friction, people who cared enough to volunteer, donate, then people who are too stuck in their own merry lives to care about any of these, the biasedness of the media, our daily lives, frustrations, and love and confusion about a God that has so far allowed all this to happen, is it any wonder that it's all very distant and almost numbing?

Nobody could have said this better.

September 4, 2005
Do You Know What It Means to Lose New Orleans?
By ANNE RICE

La Jolla, Calif.

WHAT do people really know about New Orleans?

Do they take away with them an awareness that it has always been not only a great white metropolis but also a great black city, a city where African-Americans have come together again and again to form the strongest African-American culture in the land?

The first literary magazine ever published in Louisiana was the work of black men, French-speaking poets and writers who brought together their work in three issues of a little book called L'Album Littéraire. That was in the 1840's, and by that time the city had a prosperous class of free black artisans, sculptors, businessmen, property owners, skilled laborers in all fields. Thousands of slaves lived on their own in the city, too, making a living at various jobs, and sending home a few dollars to their owners in the country at the end of the month.

This is not to diminish the horror of the slave market in the middle of the famous St. Louis Hotel, or the injustice of the slave labor on plantations from one end of the state to the other. It is merely to say that it was never all "have or have not" in this strange and beautiful city.

Later in the 19th century, as the Irish immigrants poured in by the thousands, filling the holds of ships that had emptied their cargoes of cotton in Liverpool, and as the German and Italian immigrants soon followed, a vital and complex culture emerged. Huge churches went up to serve the great faith of the city's European-born Catholics; convents and schools and orphanages were built for the newly arrived and the struggling; the city expanded in all directions with new neighborhoods of large, graceful houses, or areas of more humble cottages, even the smallest of which, with their floor-length shutters and deep-pitched roofs, possessed an undeniable Caribbean charm.

Through this all, black culture never declined in Louisiana. In fact, New Orleans became home to blacks in a way, perhaps, that few other American cities have ever been. Dillard University and Xavier University became two of the most outstanding black colleges in America; and once the battles of desegregation had been won, black New Orleanians entered all levels of life, building a visible middle class that is absent in far too many Western and Northern American cities to this day.

The influence of blacks on the music of the city and the nation is too immense and too well known to be described. It was black musicians coming down to New Orleans for work who nicknamed the city "the Big Easy" because it was a place where they could always find a job. But it's not fair to the nature of New Orleans to think of jazz and the blues as the poor man's music, or the music of the oppressed.

Something else was going on in New Orleans. The living was good there. The clock ticked more slowly; people laughed more easily; people kissed; people loved; there was joy.

Which is why so many New Orleanians, black and white, never went north. They didn't want to leave a place where they felt at home in neighborhoods that dated back centuries; they didn't want to leave families whose rounds of weddings, births and funerals had become the fabric of their lives. They didn't want to leave a city where tolerance had always been able to outweigh prejudice, where patience had always been able to outweigh rage. They didn't want to leave a place that was theirs.

And so New Orleans prospered, slowly, unevenly, but surely - home to Protestants and Catholics, including the Irish parading through the old neighborhood on St. Patrick's Day as they hand out cabbages and potatoes and onions to the eager crowds; including the Italians, with their lavish St. Joseph's altars spread out with cakes and cookies in homes and restaurants and churches every March; including the uptown traditionalists who seek to preserve the peace and beauty of the Garden District; including the Germans with their clubs and traditions; including the black population playing an ever increasing role in the city's civic affairs.

Now nature has done what the Civil War couldn't do. Nature has done what the labor riots of the 1920's couldn't do. Nature had done what "modern life" with its relentless pursuit of efficiency couldn't do. It has done what racism couldn't do, and what segregation couldn't do either. Nature has laid the city waste - with a scope that brings to mind the end of Pompeii.
•

I share this history for a reason - and to answer questions that have arisen these last few days. Almost as soon as the cameras began panning over the rooftops, and the helicopters began chopping free those trapped in their attics, a chorus of voices rose. "Why didn't they leave?" people asked both on and off camera. "Why did they stay there when they knew a storm was coming?" One reporter even asked me, "Why do people live in such a place?"

Then as conditions became unbearable, the looters took to the streets. Windows were smashed, jewelry snatched, stores broken open, water and food and televisions carried out by fierce and uninhibited crowds.

Now the voices grew even louder. How could these thieves loot and pillage in a time of such crisis? How could people shoot one another? Because the faces of those drowning and the faces of those looting were largely black faces, race came into the picture. What kind of people are these, the people of New Orleans, who stay in a city about to be flooded, and then turn on one another?

Well, here's an answer. Thousands didn't leave New Orleans because they couldn't leave. They didn't have the money. They didn't have the vehicles. They didn't have any place to go. They are the poor, black and white, who dwell in any city in great numbers; and they did what they felt they could do - they huddled together in the strongest houses they could find. There was no way to up and leave and check into the nearest Ramada Inn.

What's more, thousands more who could have left stayed behind to help others. They went out in the helicopters and pulled the survivors off rooftops; they went through the flooded streets in their boats trying to gather those they could find. Meanwhile, city officials tried desperately to alleviate the worsening conditions in the Superdome, while makeshift shelters and hotels and hospitals struggled.

And where was everyone else during all this? Oh, help is coming, New Orleans was told. We are a rich country. Congress is acting. Someone will come to stop the looting and care for the refugees.

And it's true: eventually, help did come. But how many times did Gov. Kathleen Blanco have to say that the situation was desperate? How many times did Mayor Ray Nagin have to call for aid? Why did America ask a city cherished by millions and excoriated by some, but ignored by no one, to fight for its own life for so long? That's my question.

I know that New Orleans will win its fight in the end. I was born in the city and lived there for many years. It shaped who and what I am. Never have I experienced a place where people knew more about love, about family, about loyalty and about getting along than the people of New Orleans. It is perhaps their very gentleness that gives them their endurance.

They will rebuild as they have after storms of the past; and they will stay in New Orleans because it is where they have always lived, where their mothers and their fathers lived, where their churches were built by their ancestors, where their family graves carry names that go back 200 years. They will stay in New Orleans where they can enjoy a sweetness of family life that other communities lost long ago.

But to my country I want to say this: During this crisis you failed us. You looked down on us; you dismissed our victims; you dismissed us. You want our Jazz Fest, you want our Mardi Gras, you want our cooking and our music. Then when you saw us in real trouble, when you saw a tiny minority preying on the weak among us, you called us "Sin City," and turned your backs.

Well, we are a lot more than all that. And though we may seem the most exotic, the most atmospheric and, at times, the most downtrodden part of this land, we are still part of it. We are Americans. We are you.

True that.

My GF is the sh*t!

My GF and I originally had plans to spend the long weekend chilling, maybe going to see a movie and going to the Julie Roberts concert. However, in light of the recent huricane and the mess that it had left behind, she has decided to drive down to D-Town (Dallas) and volunteer at Reunion Arena, one of the designated shelters for the flood victims.

I cannot go with her right now, there are a lot of things to do at work and otherwise, and it'd be costly to put up my dog at the kennel. I will join her later on, depending on the situation. She has been quite affected by watching people suffer and feels strongly about contributing what she can, I don't know how many people knows this, but she's one of the most compassionate people that I've ever met.

I will hold down the fort while she's gone, I don't know how I'll handle all three kids (mind you, they are pets), but I will try my best and even do laundry!

I will update to you on how she's doing, she's set to depart tomorrow morning.

E-mail from a fellow (but cooler blogger)

To those of you who might not know Colby Buzzell, he was an infantryman who had served in Mosul, Iraq around the same timeframe as yours truly. He started a blog called "My War" and it had some of the most honest and vivid description of a GI's life in Mosul, as well as some of the most honest accounts of some attacks/ambushes which happened to his combat group.

He had gotten into trouble with his chain of command for allegedly violating OPSEC (operational security)and so he stopped updating his blog for a while. In the meantime, either by word of mouth or other forms of referrels, Colby's blog got the attention of some publishers and plans were made for him to publish "My War, killng time in Iraq", and I think it should be out by the first of October.

After reading him for the good part of my deployment to Iraq and afterwards, I decided to send him a e-mail, and it went something like this....


Hey CB:
You don't know me, but I was attached to your old brigade while in Mosul, you were posted at FOB Marez while I was posted at FOB Freedom, I did unit supply and you were infantry. Just wanted you to know that your blog's really awesome and I read it every chance that I'd get. Looking forward to your book release (I've preordered mine already) and I'm just just glad that both of us made it back from hell on earth.
Take care!


I thought that Colby probably would set my e-mail aside or delete it since I'm not much of anyone important. Then, after a day, I got a reply from him! (excerpt below)


Hey man,
hows it going, thats cool that you were attatched to my old brigade
back in mosul, Who knows, we probably walked right past each other
while I was over at Freedom the several times that i was there. Thanks
for your kind words on the blog, I really appreciate that, especially
from a brothe rin arms who served in the same AO as I. I really means
alot, and thanks for pre ordering the book, FOB Freedom is mentioned
several times in the book, and hopefully you'll like it. Not alot of
people know about mosul, and I'm hoping that this book shows people
what we went thru and experienced up there. All you ever hear about is
like, Marines, and Falluja, and Baghdad, you hardly ever herd from
mosul when we were there. Anyways, thanks again for emailing me and
ordering the book, I hope you like it, and feel free to send me an
email when you get it and let me know what you think.
thanx again
-cb

Now, wasn't that just the shit? That he referred to me as a "brother in arms"?

Go and check out his blog if you hadn't done so already....

http://cbftw.blogspot.com/

Terror alert level

The weekend and then some...

I got to spend a good weekend with my folks and my sister, whom, to my suprise, did not actually talk my ear off! My grandfather is doing much better, thanks to those who were concerned, and my grandma is battling her old-age related hearing problems and some patterns of obsessive-compulsiveness.

We spent the weekend going out to eat, watching Chinese t.v. on the satellite dish, and grocery shopping. Hung out with the cousins, ages 11 to 16 and enjoyed a few bouts of thunderstorms in Houston, which had sort of a mild summer compared to two summers ago.

Flew back home on a small commuter jet that was delayed in picking up passengers. While we were preparing to land, I can see storm clouds nearby, as well as the setting sun. It was kind of scary and neat, the cloud made the sun have the misty appearance to it. Maybe the pilot was inexperienced or the conditions for landing were not good, but I swear that we could have almost landed 2x, but each time the plane would pick up and ascend again, attempting another approach. Of course, some on the plane were getting a bit nervous, and yours truly had to pee, really badly! This bald headed tough looking guy sat next to me and started commenting about how unusual it was for a plane to make multiple approaches to the runway, and I just couldn't help it so I told him about this one time that a friend of mine's C-130 engine having been hit by a mortar on its way up (they all survived and made it to Kuwait, by the way). I know, probably not the most calming thing to say to someone who might be feeling a bit nervous (to say the least), but at least I thought that I'd cheer him up with the conclusion of the story.

We then finally landed after about half an hour of circling around in the sky, and while the plane's taxing, a lot of people on board took out their cellphones and said to their friends/relatives/mistresses/lawyers/pimps/johns that they've survived the flight!

The GF picked me up from the airport, then we ate at Chili's (I still dont' know why they salt their food so much!), and went back home to watch the hurricane coverage ( it has been said that New Orleans as we know it could be gone.) until it was time for bed. I slept good and sound, lucky to not have been a news item on the evening news.

Snacks

Snacks

End of summer snack relief, brought back from Houston.

My porn star name

Your Porn Star Name is: Albino Kitty

Get your own Porn Star Name

The "come to Jesus" meeting

There was a meeting held by one of the directors of the place that I'm currently working at noon today, with myself and a bunch of other reservists. The meeting was about what is going to happen to our employment after the end of the fiscal year, which will be on the last day of September.

Basically, our director told us that they really liked the work that we are doing for them, but since they don't know if funding will keep on flowing, they are going to extend us for 90 days and try to look for funding in the meanwhile so they can keep us working into next year. Nothing is really a gurantee though, maybe for the directors of that place, but not for us reservists.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter, and I've always known that nothing lasts forever. I told one of the other reservists there that I feel like that we're a bunch of temps wearing uniforms. If they don't get enough funding for next year, I won't shed a tear because it was a good run for a job and it probably will be time to leave KC anyways.

One of the reservists is getting ready to go to Iraq/Afghanistan/GITMO (he doesn't know yet where he'll be deployed to), and I hope that he'll be safe and come back intact and relatively healthy. They've already got two other people deployed, one to Iraq and another to Afghanistan.

If you have not done so yet, please go and read Michael Yon's blog, it has been so far the best combat reporting ever done from Iraq. I wish that Mr. Yon was there when I was deployed, he's a great writer. There was one reporter from the Tacoma, Wa. area who shall remain nameless, who was the the imbedded reporter to the brigade that I was assigned to. He (the reporter) was not a guy who was curious about anything at all and didn't show much of any interest in what's going on around him... too sad.

Going to visit the folks this weekend, so I will wirte more when I get back, in the meanwhile, please take good care!

Marketing myself so I can maybe retire one day

I've mentioned before that I am so far liking this job that I've got right now. As far as job security is concerned, if all things work out right between the reserve unit (the unit that has me on their roster) and the powers that'd be here, I'll be okay for at least another year, I think.

I've been toying around with the idea of possibly becoming an reserve officer, for job security (whatever that means) and for another thing, it might possibly be mutually beneficial for both the military and myself. (The extra language skills) I contacted the air force, who are probably doing so well in recruiting that they can afford not to call or e-mail people back, I talked to someone at the navy and found out that if I cross over, then I'll lose whatever clearance level that I have and will have to start all over again, and since I did not come from a navy environment, my chances of becoming commissioned in the navy was like less than 20%. I've since detected a certain pattern with officer recruitors, that is they'll always tell you to go enlisted first and then apply for a commission, or in the case of air force, they just won't call you back at all. Now I've spent almost a decade being enlisted and not nearly as naive as I used to be, so no thanks to the navy.

I remember when I was a bit younger, I used to think that I'd pick up something really useful in the military, college, life, etc. and make it really marketable to others so I'll never have to wear uniform again or try so hard to maintain (in this case, to improve) my physical fitness level. I don't mind staying in the military, but I also don't mind putting that part of life behind me. I don't think you need to display your patriotism by being in the military, and that's just how I see it.

I'm open to just about whatever, but as long as they don't come at a cost of the GF and the kids, you know?

Life in the Midwest

My sister and I call each other just about everyday, and also e-mail each other at various times during the day. She is calling me more lately ever since her divorce earlier this year and we'd just chit chat about what has been going on during the day, plus some family stuff. Lately, I just don't have that much to say to her about what has been going on during the day. Sensing that, she'd try to fill up the silence with whatever that she tell me about what has been going on with some other people at her work.
I like my current job and I think that the people at work are some of the nicest group of people that I've ever worked for. It's true that I'm not a huge fan of military setting, but the above characteristics sort of compensate for all of the above, and not to mention that I got to goto Japan and Monterey,Ca.!
Yet for rest of the time I'm kind of feeling desperate, feeling trapped in this open space, really wide space full of corn and hay. At least I'm a little bit older, imagine some kid, 18 or 19 years old and have to be stationed here for the army or for school, what would they have to do? I'm not sure living here is making me like other people more. The GF said that I'm not as nice lately to others, not that I'm out there doing stuff that would piss people off, but I'm a lot more nonchalant about them than I used to be. Things are just so blah here, plain, gray, and unexciting. I am sure that the Midwest is a great place to raise kids, I think that depends on what kind of kids you've got.
We'll see, maybe some big revelations would come and we'll grow to love and even miss this place when we are away. We still don't really have friends except some token ones from the cyberspace. The GF is more worried about it than I am, because I'm used to it. Sometimes, popularity breeds contempt.
Okay, I'm blabbing here, but you get the point.

P.S. Just finished watching the final episode of "Six Feet Under" and I think it almost couldn't have ended it a nicer way. Rarely had I seen a show that is centered on the themes of loss and yet it's also about life and hope. Kudos to Mr. Alan Ball! The GF already knows this, that I also think that Peter Krause is hot!

Back from Monterey

Got back from lovely Monterey this past Friday afternoon, and I flew back from San Jose with some of my supervisors, who are some of the smartest and nicest people that I've gotten to know, so the trip back was good.

I had first been to Monterey pre 9-11, for a language competition for the armed forces. They've since cancelled the event due to the fact that all the Arabic linguists in the services are now serving in the theaters of war. Monterey is a picture of this ideal place to live, it's not prone to extreme weather changes, and even though it can be a bit chilly there, it'll never snow due to its unique geography. I think if I live there now, that would spell the end of my so called working career as I know, I mean, who would want to work when you live so close to the beach?

The GF joined me out there, and I think she enjoyed the town also. When I am attending the conference that I've been sent to attend, she'd drive around town in the rental car. We had lots of good foods, lots of seafoods and some ethnic foods, that's a definite plus, when the places which you travel to have great foods!

Now we are back in the Midwest, it seems almost depressing. I know that life in Midwest will not be forever, and if were not for the trips that we've taken, either together or alone, I'd probably go insane. I know that you guys and gals have heard me complain about that before, but I just cannot help it that the combination of unstimulating places and people simply make a bad combination. It has been hard for the GF to find a job also, and I know that it is not because she's underqualified.

I took a look at strykernews while typing this entry out, and I cannot say that I know of anyone in the new stryker brigade, heck, I hardly know the people that I was over there with anymore. It's easy to began to feel complacent, I mean, it'll almost be a year since I had gotten back from Iraq. It's so easy to dwell on how boring life is in the Midwest, and that some aspects of my personal relationships are not perfect. I think sometimes I just need to snap out of it and remember that I got out of that place with my life and the whole experience was not that bad. I'm not getting nostalgic, I would not want to re-live that time all over again. I'd hate to leave the GF, the families, and my dog and cats all over again. My dog and I got gray together while I was over there! (He's not even 6 years old yet!)

I think I felt especially appreciative of that fact when I walked on the beaches of Monterey with my barefeet!

waves

waves

Monterey waves

Off to Monterey!

The GF and I will be off to Monterey, Ca., for about a week. I will be attending a conference for work, and she will be checking out the local beaches and sceneries. The weather over there is expected to be near perfect and I hope that I'll have some chances to stroll the town somewhat.

Will take some photos and post them when I'm back.

You folks take good care!

Some clarifications

The GF called my attention to the blog "Trying to Grok", it's a blog written by a young military wife currently stationed in Germany. She started her blog to support her husband while he was deployed in Iraq, and since her husband returned from his deployment, her blog has transformed into a kind of right-leaning opinion blog.

Mrs.Grok's last few entries have been about females in the military, not whether or not they should serve or even take on combat roles, but about how slutty we can all be. The impression that I've got is that we are all people who uses sex as weapons against men to get them to do what we wanted them to do.

Mrs.Grok's got a point, there are a lot of females in the military like that, but there are also a lot more of them in the civilian world, we just don't hear as much about them. When I was out there, I've seen both types of women, those who just cannot keep their legs shut, and also those who just wanted to work their shift, and not get involved with anything of that sort. I wasn't an angel out there, but I for one did not use that to my advantage. Now I hope that Mr. Grok did not himself step across that line while he was out there, but even if he did, we'll never know. Men are really great at having sex just for the sake of having sex and nothing more, not to say that there are not women like that, I just don't think that there are as many.

I'm just saying that everyone makes mistakes, and unless you've been there, you'll think for a minute before rendering a decision or verdict. For that reason, I don't think that I'll be reading a lot of Grok from day to day.

I'm an emo rocker....

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing. That doesn't mean you don't rock out... You just rock out with meaning. For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

the space shuttle launch

I breathed a sigh of relief as the space shuttle made it safely into space. It has been a long time since we've sent someone up there.

Despite all talks about how our space agency has been under fire for all kinds of things from agency culture to budget diffuculties, I'm glad to see that they are at least trying to get things back on track.

And that's reall what counts.

Back To work!

Greetings! I made it back safely back to the US of A on Saturday from Tokyo, and narrowly missed the earthquake that rocked the city! I've had a blast in Japan, got to meet some really neat people, all were fellow analysts/translators and are at the top of their game, much more that I am at mine.

I travelled with a group of all men, three supervisors and two fellow analysts, so there were much testosterone but not too too much. There were two who liked to drink beer A LOT, while the other men suffered from jet lag and a case of xenophobia. (One of my supervisors just stayed in his hotel room and read.) I think I've finally gotten over my fear of eating raw fish, and have eaten sushi 3 times without any tummy incident! The secret is in the freshness of the seafood, and the mixture of the seasoning. I couldn't speak any Japanese, but nevertheless managed to pick up a few simple greetings so that some people there actually thought of me as Japanese!

The weather over in Japan was hot and muggy, their "rainy season". I was just glad that I didn't have too much of jet-lag!

Japan overall is a very clean country, and Tokyo is one of the most packed cities that I've been to. Most people are shorter in height and they work very hard. I will post more photos from my disposable camera when I get them developed. My tummy, needless to say, was very happy to have been in Japan! Nomatter where I am at, I'll always have an Oriental stomach!

We've stayed at gov't lodging during the first 4 days of our trip, and it was alright, typical gov't lodging, if you know what I mean. However, I was thrown into the lap of luxury when we got to Tokyo for the last 3 days of our trip. We stayed at ANA Hotel Tokyo (ANA stands for "All Nippon Airways".) and that's the hotel that our diplomatic corp uses whenever they've got guests. The rooms (at least mine) are small, but it's got everything, not to mention one of the best beds that I've ever slept on! I've got a good view of downtown Tokyo from the 25th. floor, and you can see it in my previous entry.

Never in my imagination would I envision that the gov't would send me to a place this exotic, so thank you, the powers that be!

I just wish that the GF could have come along on this trip, even though we did not have a lot of free time, what free time we did have was quite valuable! My biggest disappointment was probably the fact that I couldn't find the hello kitty world headquarters, or doraemon stores, but I did get to see the Harajuku district, where Gwen Stefani found her a bunch of Harajuku girls. There's really nothing that special about that district, all it was was a shopping area filled with stores like the GAP, Guess, Banana Republic, etc.

I'll write more about the trip later, still got a bit of jet lag to suffer through!

hotel view

hotel view3

This is one of the views from my hotel room in Tokyo

shrine

shrine2

A shrine located in the middle of the city. I think it's Shinto Buddhist.

ramen

ramen

mmmmmmmmmm!! Ramen!

7/11 dinner

711 dinner

Even the prepackaged dinner from 7-11 was good.

star crowd

star crowd

These people were waiting for Japan's biggest heartthrob to come out from a cd signing.

bed

bed

Super luxury. I wanted to take it home, especially the comforter.

Off to Japan!

It's almost 11 PM at night and I am blogging, downloading some songs on my Ipod, and packing at the same time! I've been working frantically to get my own presentation ready for the past week, and finally, I'll get to get it out of the way in the next few days!

Tomorrow morning, I embark on one of the more exotic business trips in my life! Iraq was fairly exotic, but Japan? I can't wait to see what things are like over there!

I am going as a tag-along with my team from work, we will be going to a lot of meetings and powerpoint slide shows, all in business casual clothing, and that's new for me! I've never held any jobs where I had to be dressed up every day, maybe one of these days, I will.

I hope to be able to eat a lot of Japanese food, get to know some cool folks, and take lots of pictures in the process! I will be posting the pictures on this site when I come back from the trip!

Since I don't really know if I'll have internet access, or the time to access it, don't be suprised if I don't see you guys and gals until sometimes late next week.

I'll be missing the GF and all of our pets!

The weekend

Weekends are a great time to catch up on beauty sleep! Not that it's really helping me regain or obtain any beauty, but ever since I've turned 30, I find that sleeping has become one of my favorite pasttimes! I've never been a partier, drinker, or an all-nighter, just never found a lot of attraction in these activies.

The GF and I took her motorcycle to the shop for repair, looked at some other motorcycles, drooled over them, and then went to this boot shop in St. Joseph, Mo. I couldn't help but to have purchased a pair of cowboy boots, I mean, they're tacky but cool! You can see the photo in the previous entry! The store clerk was this tall, tanned, and blond woman who was no stranger to an Asian shopping for cowboy boots! In fact, she's even dating a Chinese boy! We got to talking about life in the Midwest (still boring), Asian foods, her boyfriend and his peeves, and I felt a sense of relief, why a sense of relief? Well, from what she had mentioned, I am not the only Asian in the Kansas/Missouri area, and hooray for Asian men! I mean, my Asian brothers are venturing bravely into the territory of dating Caucasian women! (I couldn't be the only one, right?) It's just kind of rare for me to see many Asian man dating Caucasian women, even less Asian men dating African American women, that'll be so cool because they can have kids who'll probably be really exotic looking, like Foxy Brown, Tyson Beckford, or that dude from that group "Fine Young Cannibals"... all part Asian and Black!

Watched "Tour De France" and marvelled at how skinny these cyclists are, most of them weigh less that I do! (not all that hard to do) I'm kind of ashamed to say that so far, I've enjoyed watching the cyclists crash the most ;-) !

Went to dinner with a guy from work and his very young girlfriend (he's 29 and she's 18), he's about to be deployed to Iraq. He's a bit of a doofus but overall a good guy. Wait, maybe he's really not all that much of a doofus, I mean, he was able to score with a younger chick, right? (gosh, my values are all kinds of mixed up, right?)

Ended the weekend at Barnes and Nobles, where I satisfied my appetite for tabloid magazines and browsed over some other books. This book that caught my eye was a book about this Marine who was gay, and a pornstar. All of a sudden my mind just wondered about what if I was also a pornstar while in the service? Nah, don't really have the body for it. The old joke in the reserves was that a lot of the females join the reserves because of the porn industry, where they all work at as civilians, just doesn't offer good enough health insurance, so they all had to do something, hence the reserves. I, on the other hand, just failed the audition!

I'm A Dork

I'm A Dork

I gave in to my tacky taste and got a new pair of cowboy boots. Now when's the rodeo?

Save our little Katie!

From Ms. (Soon to be Mrs. Tom Cruise) Katie Holmes:

"Tom and I will always be in our honeymoon phase," Holmes says in W, on newsstands July 22. In the interview, a theme emerges with many similar comments, including "Tom is the most incredible man in the world."

Oh Pullleeaaassse!

During the W interview, the actress wouldn't part from Jessica Rodriguez, who is described as her "Scientologist chaperone." Rodriguez's role in Holmes' life remains vague, though Rodriguez says they're "just best friends" since meeting around the time Holmes met Cruise.

"You adore him," Rodriguez told Holmes when the actress was at a loss for words to describe her love.

I smell a bizarre scientology,mind-manipulation,twisted friendship triangle between Katie, Jessica, and Tom!

Meatwad

Meatwad
Originally uploaded by Bethlynn327.

Since I posted the threat level earlier, I figured I might as well post this self portrait...

I am meatwad.

About the London Bombing

To all Al-Queda members, especially you, Osama,

You can all go to hell, stay there, and enjoy your 70 virginal pigs because I doubt that there are even one human female virgins out there!
While you are in hell, go and F*ck yourselves!
You don't even know how wrong you are, praying to the God that you've created in your own minds!

Deepest sympathies to the injured and the dead in London.

Terror alert level

From the GF,

Back from the in-laws!

Sorry that it has taken me a while to write, but I've been neck-deep in work and preparing for an upcoming trip. (for work) This entry will be short but I'll be sure to write more later.

It was so nice to see the nephew, little Zach! He was really happy to see the GF, myself, and the dog! When a kid loves you like that, it really kind of reminds you that maybe you're not a total loser after all. Sure, I might not have been or am the most attractive person out there with the winning personality, but at least I've been deemed approvable by the pets and most of the kids that I've been in contact with! Zach is so curious and loves to run around outdoors, and that's what kids should be instead of glued to tv or in front of their gameboys!

The in-laws looks like they've lost a lot of weight and are also stressed out because of issues revolving Zach's mom and dad. At least though, over this past weekend we were all able to let go of that stress for a little bit. We went out to have some good seafood at Pappadeaux's restaurant, and had some good burgers and hot dogs the day after!

I will post some photos in my next entry and have some more thoughts about what has been going on, so for those of you who actually read this site, stay tuned!

Good Intentions

Music by: glen phillips and toad
Lyrics by: glen phillips

It’s hard to rely on my good intentions
When my head’s full of things that I can’t mention
Seems I usually get things right
But I can’t understand what I did last night

It’s hard to rely on my own good senses
When I miss so much that requires attention
Have to laugh at myself sometimes
And I can see that I’m not blind

There’s little relief
Give us reprieve
For all the things I’ve left behind
I’m positive that I’m not blind

I’m not afraid things won’t get better
But it feels like this has gone on forever
You have to cry with your own blue tears
Have to laugh with your own good cheer

It’s hard to rely on my good intentions
When my head’s full of things that I can’t mention
Seems I usually get things right
But I can’t understand what I did last night

There’s little relief
Give us reprieve
Imagining the world outside
I’m positive that I’m not blind

I can’t be hard on you
’cause you know I’ve been there too
Learned a lot of things from you

But life gives little relief
Give us reprieve
And when everyone is cold as ice
I clinch my fists and close my eyes
Imagining the world outside
But I can see that I’m not blind

About President Bush's speech and other things....

The GF and I watched the speech given last night at Ft. Bragg on tv. The GF basically agrees with the war efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan, and thinks that good things are happening despite the nightly body count on tv. Philosophically, I agree with President Bush, and I am trying to be more convinced, but even after the speech last night, I still think the details are sketchy about our long term goals and exactly how we are helping the Iraqi forces fortifying themselves.

I asked the GF if she would have felt differently if I had not come back from Iraq, or lost parts of my body while I was there, she said that she wasn't sure.

I do remember feeling like what costly of a waste of a life when I saw Private Coleman lying on the ground and bleeding from everywhere of his body.(Don't get me wrong, the Iraqis are also paying a very high price.) I don't think that I'd like the job of a US president, playing the game of global politics, indirectly/directly responsible for deaths of thousands. Most of the people that I was over in Iraq with have either gotten out of the service, or doing whatever they can so they won't have to be back there again. Maybe one day, the time spent over there will not feel like it was spent wasted. It was a confusing time, and I hope that I've become a better person for it, but it's still a work in progress. I am grateful to have seen that part of the world though, I mean, how many other people could say the same about where they've been to?

The GF's job search has been diffucult and it has been frustrating. I guess the better economy just hasn't yet made it to this part of the world. I just wish that she has something to do so she won't be so bored. At times, I feel like that we are members of the witness protection program, it's pretty isolated here and we don't get the people here at all. (I guess people here don't get us either.)

Looking forward to seeing the nephew this weekend, some kid therapy would be great!

This past weekend and other stuff....

We got back from our marathon-driving mini vacation to Gurnee, Il. My sister lives up there, and she was trying to sell her condo. After about 2 weeks on the market, she found a buyer and that's pretty amazing! The GF got to spend some time around my sister and overall, the experience was alright, they're not completely used to each other yet, but they've no clue how alike they are with each other.

We spent most of the $ buying food and eating them! We had Italian, Chinese, Japanese,American, and vietnamese food. If we had more time, I'm sure we would of had Indian food also! My sister and I can eat!

My dog Ramen, got to spend some quality time with his canine cousin, Woody. Woody is a beagle and quite talkative. There were a few times when Woody got on Ramen's nerves because Woody was being too noisy and spazzy. I don't think Ramen likes other dogs much, he definitely likes humans better!

Listened to a lot of news and talk shows on the XM, driving to and back from Gurnee, and I heard that President Bush will address the nation on the war in Iraq tonight, and I'm interested in hearing what reasons he has for maintaining our force there. While it's true that the war on terror will last for many more years to come, it is time to be more clear and communicative on our goals, worries, and successes. I can understand that the patience of Americans are stretching thin, and frankly, even I sometimes wonder why we are still there and the sacrifices can seem so fruitless at times. Do we really have a good understanding of the Arab countries to make this work? Do the Arabs understand that they've got to help themselves too?

More on this topic later, right now, I'm just trying to wake up and this rain outside is not helping much!

Anxious....

To get out of the office and prepare for our trip up to Chicagoland to see my sister and her canine son!

My collegue is on the phone, don't know who he's talking to and I don't care. He had let out many a laughs about God knows what and it's beginning to get a bit annoying. There's the kind of laugh that you make because something is really funny, and the kind of laugh you make because you want other people to think that they are funny, not really worth it, as far as I'm concerned. I got radio Vh1 blasting into my headsets, "The Power" by Snap is really good to mute out unwanted noises.

Here's a site for y'all to waste a few minutes of your time over... All Look Same



I will probably not blog until we come back from that part of the Midwest, have a good one for me in the meanwhile!

Proust Quesionnaire for yours truly...

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Good food, able body, happy heart, great family and friends.

What is your greatest fear?
Nothing more to look forward to in life.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
I can't say that I do at this point.

Which living person do you most admire?
I'd have to say my grandparents, they've done so much in their lives and helped out a lot of people in the process.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Soaps,lotions,shoes....

What is your favorite journey?
From here to there.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Overt modesty, it makes me doubt you.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
Let's see, my boobs, big head, big legs,heavy footed walk and run.

Which living person do you most despise?
Probably Osama Bin Laden, that crazy son of a bitch.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My GF, and the pets.

Where and when were you happiest?
When I'm off traveling with the GF and eating great foods.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
That they'd be more accepting of my GF.

What is your most treasured posession?
My canine, human, and feline friends.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Lattitude: 36 degrees North to 40.35 degrees North
Longitude: 89.6 West to 95.42 degrees West
(Otherwise known as the coordinates of The State of Missouri.)

What is your favorite occupation?
What I am doing now.

What do you most value in your friends?
Steadfastness.

Who are your favorite writers?
Joseph Campbell, John Irving, John Steinbeck,Cynthia Heimel, John Krakauer.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Doraemon, I consider him a hero.

Who are your heroes in real life?
(stealing this one from Umberto Eco)"Unhappy the land were heroes are needed."

What are your favorite names?
Winston, Marlboro,Kent, Camel,Virginia Slims, Capri,Dijarum.

What is your motto?
"As long as the food is good...."

Hooray for Mr. Haraguchi!

Japanese man, 95, sets 100m record
Posted: Monday June 20, 2005 12:20PM; Updated: Monday June 20, 2005 12:20PM


Kozo Haraguchi broke a record in his age bracket that stood for six years.
AP


TOKYO (AP) -- A 95-year-old Japanese man who took up track only three decades ago has run the 100 meters in 22.04-seconds, a record for his age bracket, according to media reports.

Kozo Haraguchi looked sturdy and fit as he dashed Sunday at an outdoor track slick with rain in the southern Japanese city of Miyazaki.

"It was the first time for me to run in the rain and as I was thinking to myself, 'I mustn't fall, I mustn't fall,' I made it across the goal," Haraguchi told reporters.

Japanese media reports Monday said that Haraguchi had beaten the world record of 24.01 seconds for the 95 to 99 age group set by Hawaii-resident Erwin Jaskulski in May 1999.

His time will be submitted to the World Masters Athletics organization for verification, they said.

Haraguchi also holds the World Masters Athletics' world record for the fastest man aged 90 to 95 -- a time of 18.08 seconds he set in September 2000. He started track events at age 65 and stays healthy by taking hourlong walks daily.
Copyright 2005 Associated Press. All rights reserved.


Wow!

I've no hair now!

When I had gotten back to my folks' home late Friday night, grandpa had already returned from a long-stay in the hospital. He had stayed there for almost 3 months, and almost died 2x while he was there, and now is doing some walking with the help of a walker, eating, does not need a breathing tube down his throat now, and way different than when I last saw him. I am really relieved that he's doing better now, I still worry about grandma a bit, she's aware that her mental state is not what it used to be, and it's sad to watch sometimes, but it happens to the best of us, even those without alzheimers.

To let grandpa take a quiet nap, I offered to take grandma to the hair salon to get her a haircut, since grandpa had gotten sick, she had not had any chance to beautify herself in any way. I'd figured tha I could also get a haircut or get my highlight re-touched. Flipping through these Japanses hairstyle magazines (the hair salon is a Chinese owed salon in Southwest section of Houston.), I picked this one hairstyle that essentially looked kind of different on me. I was trying to get the messy look, but since my hair's thick and stiff, the hairdresser had no choice but to layer the heck out of my hair and in the process, lopped off most of my highlighted hair. So I'm back to looking kinda like a boy, with gray highlights, but if you looked at me, with my cleavage and still thinks that I'm a boy,then we've got to talk!! The good thing about this haircut is that I'll stay cooler for the summertime, use less shampoo/conditioner, and no need to blow dry...maybe never have to comb again! (just kidding!)

Grandma, after 3 hours, got a perm that made her look like she had more energy and had more hair...now if I had more time, I'd suggest that she get some haircoloring herself. To tell you the truth, her hair did not even start graying much until she was in her mid-70's!

The GF asked me if she looked older now than when I had met her, I don't think she has. Neither of us has ever really looked our age. She told me that I looked like I've gotten older, not counting the graying hair. Having lived around a lot of older folks growing up, it really doesn't alarm me much. I've been really young once and really, once was enough, and as long as I still have enough energy and curiosity about people and the world around me, I don't really care. Everyone gets old, so might as well accept it, you know?

About the Natalee Holloway case.

New arrest in Aruba missing teen case
Authorities take fourth man into custody
Friday, June 17, 2005 Posted: 11:32 AM EDT (1532 GMT)

Natalee Holloway was last seen Monday, May 30.

ORANJESTAD, Aruba (CNN) -- Aruban authorities said Friday they had made a new arrest in connection with Natalee Holloway's disappearance, bringing the number of men in custody to four.

A prosecutor's spokeswoman identified the man arrested Friday only by his initials, S.G.C., in keeping with Aruban law. She said he was born July 21, 1978.

Police arrested him at 6:25 a.m., and were still searching his home several hours later, said police commissioner Jan Van Der Straten.

He said the 26-year-old's name was given by one of the three suspects in custody.

Police are holding Joran Van Der Sloot, 17, Deepak Kalpoe, 21, and his brother Satish Kalpoe, 18. They were arrested June 9.

Holloway was last reported seen around 1:30 a.m. on May 30, when she left the nightclub Carlos'N Charlie's with the three young men.

Authorities have found no trace of her, despite a massive search. (Full story)

No charges have been filed against the three, and defense attorneys for each have said they maintain their innocence.

Prosecutors planned to argue Friday that they need to keep the three in custody for further questioning. Under Aruban law, prosecutors can ask judges to approve three eight-day extensions, followed by one 60-day extension and then one 30-day extension.

Suspects may be held up to 116 days -- and in rare cases even longer -- before formal charges are filed, said prosecutor's spokeswoman Mariaine Croes

On Wednesday, authorities searched Van Der Sloot's home, seizing two cars and removing bagfuls of evidence.

Van Der Sloot's father is awaiting a ruling on his petition to see his son, which is required under Dutch law since Van Der Sloot is a minor. Aruba is part of the Netherlands.

Two hotel guards were arrested early in the investigation, but were released on Monday. They were never charged. (Full story)

CNN's Karl Penhaul contributed to this report.



*This case is looking stranger than ever. I wonder why the Arubian authorities kept arresting people but cannot produce a body. I hope that I'm wrong, but after so many days, there's serious doubt that Ms. Holloway is still alive and well. It could be the case that Arubian investigative techniques are to arrest first and then gather evidence, but the fact that her wherabouts are still unknown is very unsettling.

For the weekend....

I can't say that I've had the best day ever today, I went into work and my co-worker and one of my bosses (both of them males) were displaying a kind of pissy mood, I don't work directly under my boss so my interaction with him is minimal, so I couldn't possibly have done something to him. My co-worker, on the other hand, might have been frustrated with me because our supposedly collective project effort is not so collaborative because none of my project submissions have met his approval, or whatever. We sat in the same office all day not saying much to each other. He's kind of a private guy, former Sgt. First Class, and not a bad guy except when it comes to ass-kissing ( a real important skill if you want to make it in this man's army, and then some.). I realize that I might not have been a really experienced soldier and really knowledgeable in intel. matters, but I am trying. I don't want to confront him, it's not personal, but I certainly hope that he'll soften up a bit, because life's just too short to have PMS!

Tomorrow, I am flying back to Texas to see my folks and check to see how they are doing. My grandpa will be discharged from the hospital earlier tomorrow afternoon and will continue his rehabilitation at home. I am really relieved that he's doing so well now. I still worry though, this is like his 2nd. big close call. My grandma is also suffering from alzheimer's, in the early stages but to the point where her medications are beginning not to help her have clear moments. I have no idea what thngs'll be like when/if she no longer recognizes any of us but I do know that I've got to appreciate the times tha she still does recognize and interacts with us.

Dinner tonight was really disappointing, my GF and I wanted some sea food, so we drove about 40 minutes to this place that we've read about on the internet. The place was supposed to be a Cajun seafood restaurant, but with the Cajun element seriously missing. ( no cracks about the Midwest not anywhere near the ocean!) The veggies were soggy, the bread was cold, and the gumbo was too tasteless to even mention! Bad food can really fuck with my perspectives on life, and we've so far had really bad food in the Midwest. My tastebuds are contemplating suicide, the only saving grace is that the GF is cooking better. When I fly back down to Texas, I am going to bring a whole bunch of take-outs back, stored in tuppeware!

Have a good weekend everyone! Will write more when I get back from Texas! (A pretty darn good state!)

Army Recruitment, or the military recruitment in general.

Read this article, from, of all places, "VH-1.Com":

Army Recruitment Down For Fourth Consecutive Month

Doubling enlistment bonus, raising age limit considered in wake of low numbers.

by Brandee J. Tecson

Army recruiters talk to high school students (file) (Photo: Getty Images)

U.S. Army recruitment numbers were down for the fourth consecutive month in May, and officials said a "monumental effort" will be made to avoid missing the Army's annual target for the first time in six years.

The Department of Defense announced Friday that the Army missed its May goal by 1,600 recruits, nearly 25 percent, despite having lowered the target from 8,050 to 6,700. Meanwhile, the Army Reserve met only 82 percent of its recruitment goal

The Pentagon, which usually issues recruitment figures at the beginning of every month, delayed releasing the May numbers until Friday in order to minimize the media glare on the Army's recent recruiting shortfalls, according to sources quoted in The New York Times.

"It is indeed going to be a push to make up the shortfalls [we have] before the end of the fiscal year, but we are going to do everything we can [to meet the target]," said Douglas Smith, a public affairs officer for U.S. Army Recruiting Command.

The Pentagon is considering asking Congress to double the enlistment bonus from $20,000 to $40,000 and to raise the age limit for active-duty service personnel from 35 to 40. "Today's 40-year-old may no longer be old," Smith said. "People are in a lot better shape now than in the past."

The Army is also looking to boost enlistment with a new benefit that will help soldiers purchase homes. The pilot program would pay up to $50,000 in mortgage costs for recruits who enlist for eight years of duty.

Along with adding more than 1,000 recruiters, the Army launched a new ad campaign in April targeting prospective student recruits and their parents. Instead of using images of war and combat, the new Army ads, with names like "Smart Guy" and "Good Training," emphasize educational and personal-growth opportunities. Some ads specifically target Latinos and include the tagline "Yo Soy El Army" ("I Am the Army").

The Army has received widespread criticism lately about overly aggressive recruiting tactics. A one-day "stand down" was held last month in response to the claims (see "Army Has One-Day 'Stand Down' To Focus On Recruiting Tactics").

There is also a growing number of counter-recruitment efforts emerging on high school and college campuses (see "U.S. Army Misses Enlistment Goal, Counter-Recruitment Efforts Rise"), but Smith said the Army is not concerned with the demonstrations. "We defend America and all its freedoms, and freedom of speech is one of the most fundamental," he said. "As long as we are able to speak to students, we're not going to complain about others who may [also] speak to them."

Bill Carr, acting deputy undersecretary of defense for military personnel policy, said he's optimistic that recruiting will pick up in the summer, when recent high school graduates filter into recruiting stations. Compared to the traditionally slow spring recruiting season, "summer is an enormously more favorable environment," he said.

I am not sure if anyone really realizes how many people already knows someone who has served, got their marriages and bodies screwed through service in the armed forces, or more recently, the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. There is a Sgt. who works in my office who had gotten his right arm blown off when he was in Iraq. Sometimes, it doesn't even really take someone saying anything negative about the military to sway people away from the military, people can see and read things.

I'm not exactly sure if all the lures of more enlistment bonus money or even newer slogans will help out with the recruitment effort much. Most know that bonus money are usually taxed and even if you get the full payment, it would amount to less than half of the proposed pay-out.

I can't believe that I'm suggesting this, but how about a mandatory 2 year military commitment after graduation from high school? With the only exemption being those who are handicapped mentally/physically? You can't make the military sound like something that it's not in order to attract people. There's an imbalance here, a strong country should have the most well-staffed and the best military forces in the world. Still being a reservist myself, I know how low on personnel the military is right now. Some of the senior ranking personnels cannot retire because there are very few people to replace them, and there's also a shortage of junior ranking personnels (enlisted and commissioned). You end up sending the same people back to Iraq and Afghanistan, burning them out in the process.

I think the 2-3 year mandatory military service policy is being practiced in various parts of the world. In my plan, after the two-year service concludes, you can either opt to get out of military service, and go home with educational assistance that's guranteed for you if you want to go to college or trade school. If you opt to stay in the military, you can but you must at least complete an associate's degree while you are in, and the military will help you with it... so when you get out, you'll know more than handling a weapon and drive a tank.

Military service is not made for everyone, but I think some structure and familiarization with work ethics and physical/mental dicipline are something that every 18 year-olds should at least know something about.

World on fire by Sarah McLachlan

How true.....

World On Fire

The worlds on fire its more then I can handle
Ill tap into the water try and bring my share
Try to bring more, more then I can handle
Bring it to the table
Bring what I am able

Hearts are worn in these dark ages
Youre not alone in these stories pages
The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And Ill try to hold it in
Yeah Ill try to hold it in

Chorus

I watch the heavens but I find no calling
Something I can do to change whats coming
Stay close to me while the skys falling
I dont wanna be left alone dont wanna be alone

Chorus

Hearts break hearts mend love still hurts
Visions clash planes crash still theres talk of
saving souls still colds closing in on us

We part the veil on our killer sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take the less we become
The fortune of one man means less for some

Chorus

If I was interviewed on the Actor's Studio show....

I'd answer to James Lipton...

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD?
-Journey.

WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE WORD?
-Apathy.

WHAT TURNS YOU ON?
-Scents.

WHAT TURNS YOU OFF?
-Standoffishness.

WHAT SOUNDS DO YOU LOVE?
-My dog slurping water.
(There's another sound but I can't mention it because it would make the show not so family-friendly, but it has to do with why I call my GF "The PQ"!)

WHAT SOUND DO YOU HATE?
-Mortar rounds flying.

WHAT PROFESSION OTHER THAN YOURS WOULD YOU LIKE TO ATTEMPT?
-A veternarian.

WHAT PROFESSION WOULD YOU NOT LIKE TO PARTICIPATE IN?
-Personal injury lawyer.

IF HEAVEN EXISTS, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR GOD SAY WHEN YOU ARRIVE AT THE PEARLY GATE?
-Welcome home, your family and friends are waiting for you at the multi-ethnic buffett table!

A few things.....

Things between the GF and I are better, thanks for those of you who might have been concerned. She and I both go through these periods of dark moods, sometimes at the same time and other times, not so much.

That's part of the art of being with someone, you try to live with and accomodate with each other's nasty habits and personality faults. She is really worried for the nephew and the rest of her family, and rightfully so.

I need to explain a bit further, about why I felt the way that I felt about my roomie from Iraq. I realized that I was being kind of vague. Let me divulge one detail in the conversation. She (the old roomie) had mentioned that she had received some kind of explicit (I am presuming sexually) e-amil from some guy from her unit. She commented on how inappropriate it was (which I don't happen to disagree with.), and that heat/war environment just makes people get crazy in the head. She was talking as if she didn't experience it herself. Not to say that I was being angelic while I was over there, but I didn't exactly try to change or convince myself that the history was different. Overall, I asked myself "who is this person sitting in front of me?" Maybe I really never knew her at all, that's certainly a possibility.

This made me think of that song "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne, part of the lyrics goes like this....


"Tell me


Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're
Acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this, you
And you fall and you crawl
And you break and you take
What you get and you turn it into
Honesty Promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it...."

In other news, it seems like the folks at "Hollywood Reporter" are reporting on how Mr. Tom Cruise has lost the PR war. The link is here:

http://www.reuters.com/printerFriendlyPopup.jhtml?type=peopleNews&storyID=8765884

Looks like I'm not the only one who felt this way about Mr. Cruise.

Rain, rain go away.....

I think the weather pattern in the Mo./Kan. area have been and will be as follows: Windy, rain, tornados, lots of tornado and severe storm warnings, followed by intermittent periods of extreme sunshine and warm temperature.

I smoked a cigar last night and got sick,and I thought that I could handle it. I felt nauseated and got just a wee bit smarter about it. I don't usually smoke, but every once in a while, I do smoke a little. If you gave me a pack of cigarettes, it'll still be mostly unsmoked for months.

The GF got a phone call this morning from her mom, and it seems like the custody issue of the nephew has taken on a nasty turn, depending on how it goes, the grandparents might have to sue for the kid's custody. The nephew is the cutest kid and has all sorts of potentials, and we love to take him out to the parks and just to play/interact with him whenever we could. It's such a pity that his folks are going through such hard time. I don't think the GF's too happy about it either.

Got a call from my old roomie from Iraq, she moved to the Southern portion of these United States, and she came to the KC area for her last army reserves drill. She asked if we wanted to get together for lunch before she goes back to her new abode, I agreed, a bit reluctantly, for obvious reasons, but I thought that it would be nice to see her for maybe once more, before both of our lives move on to way different paths. The lunch was alright, we've chit chatted about some past events, some present ones, and some things in-between. I've got to say that I really envy how she remembers things differently and how she also uses that to her advantage. To each his/her own, I guess, and we all try to do what we can to get by.

Things are not cool today between the GF and I, maybe that's why I felt that hint of bitterness towards the old roommate. I hope that things would get better,or maybe the GF is right, I'm not capable of doing anything right, I'm just crawling along in life.

Everyone's a little gay....

Thanks to the blog "Just One Bite", I got this article....

Rivals spur men to produce better sperm
15:56 08 June 2005
NewScientist.com news service
Rachel Nowak, Melbourne

Men who view pornographic images of two men and a woman produce better-quality sperm than men viewing pornographic images of just women, an Australian study reveals.

The finding suggests that humans may be capable of subconsciously increasing semen quality when faced with the possibility that their sperm will have to outrun those of other men in a woman’s reproductive tract.

In the study, zoologists Leigh Simmons and Sarah Kilgallon of the University of Western Australia in Perth asked 52 heterosexual men aged between 18 and 35 years to ejaculate into a container after viewing the two types of image.

The volunteers had previously abstained from sexual activity for two to six days. In samples from men who viewed the images containing the two men and a woman - the “sperm-competition” images - 52% of the sperm were motile. This compared with 49% sperm motility in the men who viewed the images of women only – a difference that was statistically significant after taking into account lifestyle factors such as cigarette smoking and alcohol consumption.

But there was also a seemingly contradictory finding. Men who viewed the sperm-competition images had fewer sperm in their ejaculate: 61 million per millilitre compared to 77 million per millilitre for the men who viewed the female-only images. More studies are needed to explain this finding.

Rapid response
“It’s a fascinating study. The effect is obviously immediate. This suggests that something [in the body] can be adjusted very, very quickly,” says Jon Evans of the University of New South Wales in Sydney, who studies sperm competition in guppy fish.

The findings might suggest ways to improve the quality of sperm during fertility treatment.

The postcoital struggle between sperm is well known in species in which females may mate with more than one partner. For example, male chickens allocate more sperm to an attractive hen with a large comb than an unattractive one, upping the chances that one of their sperm will get to the egg before those of other contenders. Bulls and boars used for artificial insemination by the farming industry produce better-quality semen if they are allowed to view other animals mating.

However, Simmons is not suggesting that humans regularly indulge in multiple matings. “We need to step away from that in 2005. The risk of sperm competition is very low nowadays, but in the lineage of primates that resulted in humans there was probably sperm competition,” he says

Previous studies have found that men who look at pornographic images depicting groups prefer the sorts of sperm-competition images used in the current study. Men may simply have evolved to find them more erotic so that they can respond appropriately to sperm competition, says Simmons.

The study, which examined the role of lifestyle factors, also suggested that carrying cellphones might be associated with lower sperm counts and a lower percentage of motile sperm. But previous studies in this area have been equivocal.

Journal reference: Biology Letters (doi:10.1098/rsbl.2005.0324)

I think, if I'm not mistaken, I've also read reports that women get just as turned-on looking at images or films of lesbian encounters, even though some might not care to admit it, their measured physiological responses said the opposite.

Wow!

Apparantly, I was not alone in my feelings about Tom and Katie....

http://www.freekatie.net/

"join the movement to liberate Katie, a young, gifted, actress held captive by forces we may never understand...."


"Don't turn away. Your indifference makes you part of the problem. Talk to your children, join in community support groups.."

They are even selling tee shirts and buttons!
http://www.cafepress.com/mccam.22973403

Real World Austin and other tangents

Right before turning in for the night, the GF and I watched the "Real World Austin" preview, and looking at some of the footages, made us miss Austin a lot. I can't say that I'm a fan of the series, but I did enjoy watching it when it first started about 10 some odd years ago. At that time, it was original and even at some points, thought-provoking.

Now, we've got reality shows seeping out of every orifices and the scenarios are just not as interesting anymore. I'm sure that "Real World Austin" will also have its fair shares of racial tension, drunken parties, and lesbian kisses. Still cannot believe that we were residents of that city, up to about two months ago!

There will be a castemember, Rachel, I think that's her name, who was a combat nurse and like yours truly, did her time in the sandbox. In her intro, she stated that she was caught having sex with her current boyfriend "mid-thrust" while in Iraq. I thought that was refreshing, maybe not the kind of representation that the armed forces wanted to have for someone like her, but let's get real here, there are a lot of hot-blooded, young and horny servicemembers out there. (There are also a lot of servicemembers who are of the oppposite.)

I thought about writing to MTV to have them make something like "Real World Iraq", about what people do when they are in and out of the uniform, but kind of figured out that it would get A LOT of people in trouble, so I had to shelve that in the backcorner of my mind.

I'd like to see someone like Oprah out in the field, taking a team of massage therapists and makeover specialists to make over the soldiers. How about "Queer Eye for the captain"? I almost burst into tears of inspiration when Emril Lagasse cooked for the troops! (Okay, he cooked for some of the air force folks stationed STATESIDE and not out in the sandbox, but still....)

I wonder...

I read this post on cnn.com,

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Women who have difficulty reaching orgasm can blame it on their genes.

Like heart disease, anxiety and depression, scientists discovered in a study of 1,397 pairs of female twins that there is a genetic basis to female orgasm.

"We found that between 34 percent and 45 percent of the variation in ability to orgasm can be explained by underlying genetic variation," said Tim Spector, of the Twin Research Unit at St Thomas' Hospital in London.

"There is a biological underlying influence that can't be attributed purely to upbringing, religion or race."

Other studies have attributed differences in the ability to achieve orgasm to cultural, religious and psychological factors.

Between 12 to 15 percent of women don't have orgasms compared to about 2 percent of men. Males are also quicker at 2.5 minutes, while the average time it takes for a woman to reach orgasm is 12 minutes, according to Spector.

"Why is there this biological difference between the sexes? The fact that some of this is heritable suggests that evolution has a role," he told a news conference.

Spector suggested reaching an orgasm could be a way for women to assess whether a man would make a good long-term partner. It may also increase fertility, according to some theories.

In a study of identical and non-identical twins published on Wednesday in the journal Biology Letters, Spector and his team found huge variations when they surveyed them about sexual problems.

One in three women, or 32 percent, said they never or infrequently had an orgasm. But 14 percent said they always had an orgasm during intercourse.

"More women were able to orgasm during masturbation, with 34 percent always reaching orgasm," the researchers said in the journal.

The frequency of orgasm was higher for identical twins with a partner and by themselves which suggests a clear genetic impact, said Spector.

"There is something biological that explains some of this large variation between women," he said, adding that many genes could be involved.

If scientists could discover which genes and how they function, it could potentially pave the way for future therapies to treat women who cannot reach orgasm.

But Spector said orgasm is a very complex process which is poorly understood. Little research has been done because it is still a taboo subject.

Anatomical and biological features and psychological factors may all play a part.


....So, what does that say about the females who just cannot reach orgasm whatsoever? Does that mean that they were just naturally selected as not likely candidate for not having offsprings? I know that I'm putting it in too general of terms, but y'all know what I mean by that.

Sunday tidbits

Got the appearance of the blog changed a bit, and with GF's help, got a photo of my cat little man on the blog in the place where my picture is supposed to be. I think my cat's so much cuter and definitely more photogenic than I'll ever will be!

I'll try and get some more photos for y'all to look at, adding a bit more color to the whole thing. I also updated the blog links because I read different blogs than the ones that I've started reading a while back. Please go and take a look at them, I think they really have a lot of interesting stuff to say!

Things between my GF and I have been stable, I am glad that in her effort to get a job, she has landed some interviews and even though they're still somewhat of an ongoing thing, I am sure that she has been wowing these perspective employers! I think she'll feel somewhat happier once she finds something to do that she likes. At least it's a way to get to know some people and participate in some functions of the society, even if the people don't end up to be friends.

I think I'm also slowly but surely fitting in the schemes of things at work, even though I still feel like that I've got a steep learning curve ahead of me...I think I'm climbing it at this point.

I'm not thinking about Iraq and the people back there as much now. I don't regret the experience at all, but I sure don't want to go back to Iraq under the circumstance that I've first gone to Iraq with! I really hope that what we've done and what we are doing now are going to help the Iraqis out in the long run, but not having enough understanding of the Middle East, its people and their religions were some of our first mistakes. Misunderstanding just breeds more misunderstandings.

Looks like I'll be in uniform for a while longer than I originally planned, hopefully, I'll do it better this time around.

I learned that relationships are some of the hardest things to better and maintain in this world, but if you really want it to work out, it can work out somehow. Alone time is really important too. I would never rip those who are single as losers, I have more problems with those who thinks that by being in a relationship with a man or a woman would resolve all of their problems, if you are not fine with yourself, then how are you going to be fine with someone else?

My grandfather went from the edge of death to now finally able to speak, take small steps with the help of a walker, and even though he's still somewhat weaker than before he got sick, I thank God that he's still around and I look forward to visiting my grandpa soon!

I learned a lot about faithfulness from interacting and taking care of my pets, and I think us human beings have a lot to learn from them.

Sometimes, I'd miss the friends which I had in the past and not so distant past, and not all of them I've kept in touch with or parted in good ways, but I wish them all well and consider myself quite lucky to have known them, and maybe if luck should have it, they'll be back in my life again.

My GF is one of the cutest and the smartest person that I know. We were at the eye glasses store to look for a pair of new glasses for her, and watching her trying on all the different pairs of glasses got me, frankly, quite tickled! (Too bad she's about to be on the rag.) :-(

I learned that biking is a lot less painful than running, except when you crash.

I am not ashamed of my love for bad music, movies, and fashion!!!

Okay, that's about it for now.

Saturday

To recap, I ran into a friend of mine yesterday when I was finishing off my day at Ft. Fartknocker, I've not seen him for a while now. We've first met (actually, the GF got to know his wife first) in the blogsphere. During my first days working at the Fort, they've been very nice to me, showing me around the vicinity, and letting me hang out with them from time to time. I guess because of all of us being busy with our jobs and perspective lives, we had not all hung out since the GF and I had moved up here. My friend commented on how weird my blog have gotten, and I have been jumping from one topic to the other. It suits me fine though. I stated this blog not neccessarily to influence others or to make a lot of sense. I don't start the day thinking about what I am going to blog about, rather, I just let it flow, non-profound thoughts and all. Maybe one day when we've got kids and they'll read this and see how random mom was.

Anyways,it was good to see him, maybe one day we'll hang out again.

Today, we went to see a Royals baseball game, and we got lucky because we caught a break in this stomy weather that we've been having. It was Royals vs. the Texas Rangers, and even though the pitchers were sucky at times, the Rangers still managed to win, 14 to 9. The baseball stadium was a bit smaller than the ones that I've been to, but it does the job fine. The snacks were quite expensive but overall, I've had a good time. The GF's commentary on the players, their playing styles and the special guests (brought to you by the fellowship of christian athletes) were great additions to being there!

We came back home to this big storm that scared the heck out of the pets, especially the dog. It's finally over now and he's exhausted, laying on the floor.

Time to tuck in and talk to the GF!

Dear Mr. Tom Cruise

Dear Mr. Tom Cruise:
While I cannot say that I am a die-hard fan of yours, I do respect, so far, your body of work overall. After having watched you gush with love for Ms.Katie Holmes on an episode of "Oprah", I have to say that you look like you've lost it.
I'm glad that you seem to have found love with Ms. Holmes, but really, that has got to be the worst acting job ever in the history of film, tv, and theater. I know that your film earnings and popularity might have decreased somewhat after say, like "Jerry McGuire"? I say that who you are going out with and what a romantic you are is just getting way too old. And what is up with your tidbit about giving advice about post partum depression? When was the last time that you've given birth to a baby?
Please, leave the silver screen for a while, do some respectable stage work or something that'll really show how good/bad you are as an actor. Date Miss Holmes, a monkey, a donkey, I don't really care, as long as you are happy and I don't really have to see that bad acting job like you've done on "Oprah".

Thanks,

Someone who's still trying to have a thread of respect for you....