It's just a cool song....especially the video!
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
[Bridge:]
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
[Bridge:]
I dont want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
[Bridge:]
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Tonight
Monday, January 31, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Just no cure.....
Even after extensive highlighting done to my hair, I am sad to report that I just found about 5 strands of gray hair on the right side of my temple! The girlfriend was right, one of these days, my hair will look like that of Einstein's!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Welcome back, Colby Buzzell
http://cbftw.blogspot.com/
Go and read his blog, what a young, neat, creative, and scarred guy!
Go and read his blog, what a young, neat, creative, and scarred guy!
Monday, January 24, 2005
New lyrics Monday
*Let Go by Frou Frou
drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
*Featured in "Garden State" soundtrak
drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
*Featured in "Garden State" soundtrak
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
The latest....
I am finally a NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer), I thought that it would never happen!
Had a great time (in the best and the worst sense of the words) while the GF was here, we spent some time with Beth and John, who graciously took us around the KC area, shared some great bbq, their home, premium coffee, and of course, lots of fur therapy! (That made me miss my Ramen all but more!)
We got our feet wet at Harrah's in KC, and an indicator that the new year is finally upon us was the fact that we've actually won! (Not huge wins, but it was enough to cover some expenses.) Plus, I successfully navigated for the GF, and that's not something that I'm normally good at!)
I had to return my rental car, since the gov't will only pay for 2 weeks worth. Barring bad weather, I'm actually looking forward to getting some quality walking done in lovely Kansas!
By the way, the sun is finally out again, it's good to see the blue sky once again!
Had a great time (in the best and the worst sense of the words) while the GF was here, we spent some time with Beth and John, who graciously took us around the KC area, shared some great bbq, their home, premium coffee, and of course, lots of fur therapy! (That made me miss my Ramen all but more!)
We got our feet wet at Harrah's in KC, and an indicator that the new year is finally upon us was the fact that we've actually won! (Not huge wins, but it was enough to cover some expenses.) Plus, I successfully navigated for the GF, and that's not something that I'm normally good at!)
I had to return my rental car, since the gov't will only pay for 2 weeks worth. Barring bad weather, I'm actually looking forward to getting some quality walking done in lovely Kansas!
By the way, the sun is finally out again, it's good to see the blue sky once again!
Friday, January 14, 2005
Lyric freak
For those few of you who might know me or about me, I frequently quote song lyrics, because sometimes, I'd run out of something original to say about things, and song lyrics sometimes describes my feelings almost exactly....
So here is the song lyric of the day.....
GREEN DAY LYRICS
"American Idiot"
Don't wanna be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation under the new mania.
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mind fuck America.
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.
Well maybe I'm the faggot America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along in the age of paranoia.
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.
Don't wanna be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information age of hysteria.
It's calling out to idiot America.
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.
So here is the song lyric of the day.....
GREEN DAY LYRICS
"American Idiot"
Don't wanna be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation under the new mania.
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mind fuck America.
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.
Well maybe I'm the faggot America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along in the age of paranoia.
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.
Don't wanna be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information age of hysteria.
It's calling out to idiot America.
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
So far....
Well, I've been working for about a week now at Leavenworth, and I am think that this post is kind of like this dwindling Western town, there are not that many people here, and maybe due to the weather or whatever, a lot of people walk with their heads down. Everyone just kind of keeps to themselves. There is no dining facility here, maybe they had deployed all the cooks to Iraq and Afghanistan already.
Each day, I'd get up around 6, get to work by 8, so far, I've been translating "trade journals" about military stuff from Chinese into English. I interact with my collegue by having light hearted conversations, and cross reference each other on our Chinese. I've got my own desk and desktop, and there is no one breathing down your neck, micromanaging you...at least no so far. Around noon, I'd grab a quick lunch, and then between all the articles and how many keystrokes a minute, it's 5 PM, and it's time to go back to my temporary abode.
I do try and go hit their gym, this really old and really basic looking place, get my heartrate up for about an hour, then I stumble back, shower, eat, watch some t.v. or read, and then hit the sack.
I can't wait until the girlfriend comes up to see me for the weekend! I've been missing her company, and a few other things that comes with her company! (hehehehehe...) We are going to try and see Kansas City, and visit with John and Beth.
We are also going to have to talk about whether or not this great Midwest is the place where we want to move to or not.
I'm getting by, I like the fact that I am the only female linguist working there!
Each day, I'd get up around 6, get to work by 8, so far, I've been translating "trade journals" about military stuff from Chinese into English. I interact with my collegue by having light hearted conversations, and cross reference each other on our Chinese. I've got my own desk and desktop, and there is no one breathing down your neck, micromanaging you...at least no so far. Around noon, I'd grab a quick lunch, and then between all the articles and how many keystrokes a minute, it's 5 PM, and it's time to go back to my temporary abode.
I do try and go hit their gym, this really old and really basic looking place, get my heartrate up for about an hour, then I stumble back, shower, eat, watch some t.v. or read, and then hit the sack.
I can't wait until the girlfriend comes up to see me for the weekend! I've been missing her company, and a few other things that comes with her company! (hehehehehe...) We are going to try and see Kansas City, and visit with John and Beth.
We are also going to have to talk about whether or not this great Midwest is the place where we want to move to or not.
I'm getting by, I like the fact that I am the only female linguist working there!
Sunday, January 09, 2005
About girlfriend
In my girlfriend's blog, she talked about how down she had been feeling, over not (according to her) having achieved much over the past year, and in her life.
For those of you who may not know her, my girlfriend is one of the smartest and most fluent speaker that I've ever met. She's got a lot of fire and spark in her, and very dedicated as far as friendships are concerned, but unfortuntaly, not all of her friends chose to give her nearly half of the dedication that she had displayed to them.
It had been really hard for her to be alone, while I was in Iraq. On top of missing me, there was this constant fear that I might have fallen victim to one of the many attacks that have occured in that part of the world. While I wasn't on a vacation in any sense of the word, I had some support from some of the great people that I've met over there. Friendships established in the army sometimes, even if they don't last, are often need based and they were good enough for that time being. I've also got this component of my personality that is able to adopt to situations, so while the Iraq experience was diffucult in one sense, I still wouldn't rule it as the worst experience in my life.
It got harder for her when she found out about my one indescretionary experience, and it was my fault that I let it happen. I wish that I could take it back, but it happened and it's over now. Heat makes people do stupid things sometimes.
My point is that we are all just trying to make it somehow, and that I wanted her to know that life is just a whole bunch of tryings, and success is not always guranteed. It's not worth it to submit to defeat, and I for one, don't really see her tryings as defeats or completely worthless. I have no idea whether or not this linguist job would work out or lead to anything else, and I might even fail at it, but while the possibility is out there, I've got to at least test the waters. I know that I am getting older, but still, we can still do some things, and I know also that she can do a lot more than she thinks.
For those of you who may not know her, my girlfriend is one of the smartest and most fluent speaker that I've ever met. She's got a lot of fire and spark in her, and very dedicated as far as friendships are concerned, but unfortuntaly, not all of her friends chose to give her nearly half of the dedication that she had displayed to them.
It had been really hard for her to be alone, while I was in Iraq. On top of missing me, there was this constant fear that I might have fallen victim to one of the many attacks that have occured in that part of the world. While I wasn't on a vacation in any sense of the word, I had some support from some of the great people that I've met over there. Friendships established in the army sometimes, even if they don't last, are often need based and they were good enough for that time being. I've also got this component of my personality that is able to adopt to situations, so while the Iraq experience was diffucult in one sense, I still wouldn't rule it as the worst experience in my life.
It got harder for her when she found out about my one indescretionary experience, and it was my fault that I let it happen. I wish that I could take it back, but it happened and it's over now. Heat makes people do stupid things sometimes.
My point is that we are all just trying to make it somehow, and that I wanted her to know that life is just a whole bunch of tryings, and success is not always guranteed. It's not worth it to submit to defeat, and I for one, don't really see her tryings as defeats or completely worthless. I have no idea whether or not this linguist job would work out or lead to anything else, and I might even fail at it, but while the possibility is out there, I've got to at least test the waters. I know that I am getting older, but still, we can still do some things, and I know also that she can do a lot more than she thinks.
What a weekend it has been!
I finally got the pleasure of meeting Beth, John, their son Andy and all of their 8 cats/3 dogs! They picked me up from post, then we all went to the local outback steakhouse and had ourselves some great drinks and food, it was a really friendly place, because they knew all the waitstaff. I thought about that show "Cheers", that was the place where everyone knows your name!
All of the Donovans were very warm and friendly, and there was no shortage of conversation topics. John talked about some of the zany experiences from his army days, and I nearly died and gone to heaven when I met their many pets, all of them were not apprehensive of me, and I just happened to be in need of some fur therapy, which they were more than happy to provide!
I have to say also that their son was truly a nice kid, the kind that I'd like to have when we do have kids. He's smart, nice, and very understanding of people and things. His level of maturity rivals even some of the oldest adults that I know!
I look forward to have the girlfriend to finally meet them next week, I really think that it'll renew her faith in mankind, because nice people still do exist!
All of the Donovans were very warm and friendly, and there was no shortage of conversation topics. John talked about some of the zany experiences from his army days, and I nearly died and gone to heaven when I met their many pets, all of them were not apprehensive of me, and I just happened to be in need of some fur therapy, which they were more than happy to provide!
I have to say also that their son was truly a nice kid, the kind that I'd like to have when we do have kids. He's smart, nice, and very understanding of people and things. His level of maturity rivals even some of the oldest adults that I know!
I look forward to have the girlfriend to finally meet them next week, I really think that it'll renew her faith in mankind, because nice people still do exist!
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Friends!
I called up Beth and John, a couple who is local that we met online from blogging. The girlfriend got to know Beth first. They are, to me, quite an interesting couple even if they don't care to admit it. John is a retired army officer, and Beth works in the info. management field, they met and married about 7 years ago and share stepkids, and a lifetime of varied experiences.
So when I found out that I was going to work at Leavenworth for a while, I contacted them for pointers and advice on what to expect from life there. They've been very friendly, and made me feel at ease already from the first greeting on the phone!
I am looking forward to finally meeting them face to face, we are going to Outback Steakhouse! (Real food!) The internet is truly great, because without it, I would have never even found out about them!
The girlfriend will be flying up here next week, and she's looking forward to meeting them too. I'm so glad that I'm not totally alone up here!
So when I found out that I was going to work at Leavenworth for a while, I contacted them for pointers and advice on what to expect from life there. They've been very friendly, and made me feel at ease already from the first greeting on the phone!
I am looking forward to finally meeting them face to face, we are going to Outback Steakhouse! (Real food!) The internet is truly great, because without it, I would have never even found out about them!
The girlfriend will be flying up here next week, and she's looking forward to meeting them too. I'm so glad that I'm not totally alone up here!
Inclement weather
It's only like my second work day in Kansas, and already, I've sat about about a whole day because of base closure due to icy/snowy conditions. Very interesting, I feel like I'm still on unemployment, except I'm now up before 7 AM.
I'm having a wee bit of trouble getting to sleep on time at night, could be just that my brain is trying to get used to the new environment, or I'm addicted to late night tv, especially these true crime enactment shows. I think I am missing my nightly snuggles with the girlfriend and the cat!
Since I don't have on post meal priveleges, I went to the commissary with the office admin. guy, and it was kind of like looking at some ransacked food warehouse. A lot of the families, fearing that they'll get trapped indoors for a while because of weather, emptied several shelves of comfort foods, fruit, tea, coffee, etc. Thank God for the high speed internet in this barrack!
My brief first impression of the folk I'll be working for has been positive so far. They're a bunch of analysts for various regions of the world, they do research, give talks at these conferences as well as attend conferences to hear other analysts talk. There was a mixture of military brass and civilians, most of them seem to be pretty easy going. Leavenworth is a army training post, where colonels who wanted to be generals come to take their leadership courses, and it's also where they lock up soldiers who have fallen from some kind of grace.
I'll update more as I slowly but surely get to know this place! Hope all of you are keeping warm!
I'm having a wee bit of trouble getting to sleep on time at night, could be just that my brain is trying to get used to the new environment, or I'm addicted to late night tv, especially these true crime enactment shows. I think I am missing my nightly snuggles with the girlfriend and the cat!
Since I don't have on post meal priveleges, I went to the commissary with the office admin. guy, and it was kind of like looking at some ransacked food warehouse. A lot of the families, fearing that they'll get trapped indoors for a while because of weather, emptied several shelves of comfort foods, fruit, tea, coffee, etc. Thank God for the high speed internet in this barrack!
My brief first impression of the folk I'll be working for has been positive so far. They're a bunch of analysts for various regions of the world, they do research, give talks at these conferences as well as attend conferences to hear other analysts talk. There was a mixture of military brass and civilians, most of them seem to be pretty easy going. Leavenworth is a army training post, where colonels who wanted to be generals come to take their leadership courses, and it's also where they lock up soldiers who have fallen from some kind of grace.
I'll update more as I slowly but surely get to know this place! Hope all of you are keeping warm!
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Now in Kansas
It was hard leaving the girlfriend and the pets, but I dragged my ass onto the plane to Kansas City, and now I am settled in the temp. residence on post. I couldn't see too much of the local sceneries, since it had already gotten dark when I had arrived.
I hope it'll be a good tour, and that the accounting decrepencies will be resolved ASAP, and that it'll be a few good paychecks for however long this gig lasts.
More as things develop, I hope all of you are doing well...my faithful but very silent readers!
I hope it'll be a good tour, and that the accounting decrepencies will be resolved ASAP, and that it'll be a few good paychecks for however long this gig lasts.
More as things develop, I hope all of you are doing well...my faithful but very silent readers!
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