A brief update of what has been happening....
I flew to S.F. for a test/interview with U.S. postal inspection service. I didn't make it, but I did get a day of free tour of the city on the postal inspection service! I walked to Fisherman's Wharf, Chinatown, parts in-between, and ate some good dim-sums. I used to want that job a lot, but not as much as I thought I had. There were 5 people there taking the test, including myself, and they were all people in their late 20's, early 30's, and really bright, achievement orientated, and dull as can be. There was a guy who is a ATF agent who wouldn't stop talking about the details of getting a federal job, and to a point, it got a kind of irritating. He meant well, but cared a tad bit too much about the job. There was a woman prosecutor from NYC who just about walked out of the test after she found out that she would actually be making less as a postal inspector. I had no idea whether or not they had all gotten the job, but even if they did, it would probably be at least 4-6 months before they'd hear from the postal inspectors again. I hope that they got that job, and I hope that there'll be something better for me somewhere down the line.
This weekend is a long weekend, the cool thing about being a soldier is that there are some holidays that only soldiers and federal employees get off on, and for soldiers, they're called training holidays. Soliders who are not fighting are supposedly always in training for when they will be going to war. The GF and I went to Harrah's casino, and donated some $ for the state of Missouri, ate a complimentary buffet, and I cursed at our bad luck so far at winning. The weekend wasn't all lost, we did the laundry and put in some time on the stationery bikes.
Now to go back just a bit in time, about the night after I got back from S.F.... We went to dinner at this upper-medium scaled steak place to celebrate the end of a promotion exam for someone from my office. For starters, her and I sort of get along, but that's about it. I mean, she's a nice person and all, but her personality is so strong that I simply choose not to bother any further than the minor details of life. The GF is not that keen on her, both of them have strong opinions on things and for that reason, discussions can be a bit peppered. Last but not least, the friend who, for a while, was working out with me, but not any more. Either I... a. Gave her strange vibes, or b. She got sick of me. c. She just got lazy, or d. Who really knows? Recently, a string of brush-offs to the GF by her has given both me and the GF strange vibes about her. Even though we all are still friends, it's not like either of us felt comfortable enough with asking her what's going on. She might not feel that anything strange is going on, so if you ask her, you might get one of these "making issues out of nothing" responses, and you'll end up feeling a kind of stupid as a result.
Anyway, at dinner, I was tired and not participating much in any of the 3 conversations going on at the table, and the GF was feeling and showing the weirdness of not liking the gal who had just taken her promotion exam, and how the friend didn't even really say hi to her. Feeling tired and all, I wonder why I even bothered coming to that particular dinner gathering.
Later on the next day, I caught a friend of mine from college online and chatted with her for a little while. While it was great to have chatted with her, I felt that we've drifted so far apart in the last 10 years and that, for some reasons, was making me feel old, dull, and somewhat of a loser. In my 33 years of life so far, I've met a lot of people, but no matter how I've tried, rarely made lasting friendships.
Then a few days later, on Sat. morning, I got a call from someone that I did not expect to hear from. When I first arrived at the place I am now working at, this short, balding sgt. helped me get settled here and introduced me to everyone in the office. He was a little bit weird but only in a geeky kind of way. Anyway, he got deployed to go to Iraq about 6 months ago, and I got a call from him on the 1st. day of his mid-tour leave. We chatted for a while, about what his life was like at his camp in Iraq, how many times did they get mortared, and I told him about some of the personnel happenings at the office. We're not the best of friends but we do get along. The point is that, just when you think all is lost, then you get a little sign of assurance that you just might not be as bad as you once thought you were.
I don't think that I'm one of those self-assured person, can't even pretend to look that way. As much as I enjoy friendships, I can't stand to interact with large crowds. I don't even know if I am moving on some kind of right direction in life... and if I'll be good for my GF...
...but I'm trying.