Saturday, December 17, 2005

It's snowing and I'm feeling restless....

...about trying to find a new gig that'll pay better and not make me feel that I'm just writing papers and not much else, not being in uniform all the time, being stuck in that mentality, and to see what's around the corner for next year.

I'm going back to see the folks in a few days, and I hope that it'll be a good trip. I've not seen my grandparents since Sept. I also haven't been calling them as much as I should, I think I felt a kind of burned out with all the nervous tension associated to my grandpa's illness and when the hurricane hit and they didn't get to evacuate. (But thank God, the hurricane barely even touched their area in Houston.)

Had a dream about my mother and her boyfriend last night. In my dream, they lived in this really small place and they weren't doing so well. For those of you who don't know, my mom and my dad split when I was 7 years old, and she (mom) re-appeared 2x in my life, once when I was in high school, and now by sporadic telphone calls, mostly from her to me and my sister.

I tend to keep or maintain a distance between me and her, not just the physical distance, but mental as well. I'm not mad at her for her not being there for most of my child and adulthood, but it has been hard for me to warm up to her also. Maybe in the back of my mind, I'd remember that she just about always left after a while, so why bother, right?

Yet something in me tells me that I should try to somehow take care of her as she is getting older. You know how you know there are things undone or someone might re-appear in your life if you start to have even semi-re-occuring dreams? I think dreaming about my mom is kind of like that.

Now onto something slightly different. There is this gal at work who's a few years older and has been a kind of social director at sort. A nice gal, don't get me wrong, but sometimes, I'd get tired from being around her. She is very controlling of herself and sometimes, that eminates onto others. The GF is facinated with her because she said that watching that gal is like watching a train wreck. What do I know, we all get on with our lives with the ways that we know best, even if others don't see it that way. I don't know how many people have taken a look at me and said to themselves that I should be more this or that.

I am borrowing a yello 02' GMC Sierra for two days, seeing whether or not it's a worthwhile purchase/trade it. I'm a big fan of trucks, it satisfied that slightly butch side of me. However, it's snowing tonight so we've decided to stay put and just enjoy the drifting snow, otherwise, we'd have taken to truck to get some dinners and snow boots (finding out that it's one of these essential items for winter life in the Midwest.)

I will write more as events unfolds. If I don't write again until after X'mas, I'd like to wish y'all a merry one and a great new year!

1 comment:

Sean from DocintheBox said...

Merry Christmas to both of you, may the upcoming year be better then the last!