Friday, November 18, 2005

Thursday night

The GF is mad at me tonight and she's not talking to me, for plenty of good reasons, reasonable reasons. I went indoor biking after work, since it's pretty much the only thing that I can do as far as exercise is concerned. I got back late, not talking about midnight late, but about maybe one hour than I should have been home. She' usually home around close to 4, since she shows up for work around 6:30 AM. She'd like for me to goto work one hour early and get off one hour early, and so far, it has been really hard to do, I'd either get off of work later, or I'd get caught up with this indoor cycling thing. I'm not good at this sport, don't get me wrong, you should see how much more I suck at team sports! It's a meditative sort of thing, I don't know if I'm explaining it correctly.
I think the GF is getting the message that I don't really care much about time with her, and that's not true. What sucks even more is that I'm not having such a easy time showing her that it's not the case. Over dinner last night, she said that my experience in Iraq hasn't made me a more appreciative person, you know, kind of like more emotional, with more passion, and just basically living as if everyday is like my last day on earth. I told her that the "Thank God I'm alive" feeling comes and goes. Or just maybe I need to be in a more of a world of hurt to more fully appreciate life and all that's in it. I don't really know.
Whatever that has been slowing me down, making me dull, or not a better person, I'm "pedaling" it away somehow. (Starting by having a better control of my body and its movement.) It's probably not the best way to go, but for right now, it's a start.
I'm trying to talk more with the GF, and so far, I don't think she has been too happy with the results. I guess she thinks that I've got a lot to hide from her, I don't, but it does take effort to tell her some things sometimes without her getting irritated or vehemently disagreeing. There are a lot of things that make me feel the same way too, I guess I'm just not very good at explaining myself.
It must be hard for her, I know that it's hard for anyone who's all about communications to live with someone who's not doing so well at it...for 6 years and counting!

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