Happy birthday!

To my lovely, great smelling, and very sexy GF!  I love you!  I am sorry that we could not drive down to NC and on top of that, I will have to fly to Taiwan soon.....I will definitely take care of things when I get back.  Thank you for putting up with me, and I hope you'll have many, many more birthdays!!!!

Your dorj

Question

The GF has been really concerned about my emotional well-being, with my father having just passed away, and not knowing exactly when he'll be brought to his final resting place -or even where that'll be. (Because my father had passed away abroad, their police will probably need to perform an autopsy on him so that a cause of death could be determined... which does not sit easy with my stepmother, and frankly, I am not sure that I want his body to be invaded like that... however, that is something that is most likely required by law than anything else.)

I have to admit that I've had a medium scaled breakdown... thinking about how my grandfather would feel once he found out that his son is gone, just like that, also the slow and seeping realization that I will NEVER see him, hear his voice, or smell his foot odor (he had really bad foot odor) from the next room ever again... not on this green earth... just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have dealt with the loss of a loved one once, but that event was not something that was completely unanticipated. I was devastated, but eventually, I got to a point where it's feeling more "okay" now than immense sadness. In this case, even though I was not close to my father, the regrets and little memories of him nevertheless are just as intense and the unexpectedness of his death is not only sad but confusing to me.

Some in my reserve unit, like my commander, have offered for me to call them anytime to talk should I feel the need to... but I know stuff like this just makes them cringe and very uncomfortable... so I simply thanked them politely. People at work have offered their condolences... but (not that I am doubting their sincerities) ... but it just feels so surreal. When I wake up, the first thing that comes into my head is "my father has died"... like some kind of reminder that this is not, unfortunately, a dream.

The GF asked me how I felt, because I don't always show my emotions on my face. I asked her how do you show sadness, confusion, fear, and regret on one face?

Rest in peace, dad

My father passed away suddenly last night, while he was vacationing in Taiwan. The whole family's still in some kind of shock right now... my grandmother had just passed away not too long ago. Although me and my father were not close, it nevertheless is just as sad and shocking to me. My stepmother is inconsolable and is on her way to Taiwan as I am typing this. I will most likely be traveling back also to escort his body back to the stateside for burial... in his usual fashion, he never did leave a will to the effect of what he wanted to do with his remains. My grandfather doesn't know it yet.... I don't know how or when to tell him... you just don't expect your own son to go before you do.

I hope that he's in heaven right now with his mother, as some sort of weird coincidence, or some kind of pre-destiny, both mom and son had passed away in their sleep... I only hope that I'll be as lucky when it's my time to go.

Below is a short eulogy to him. I typed it in Chinese, my father never really learned much English while he was alive so I thought that I'd type it in Chinese so he'll be able to understand.

爸爸:

很難相信, 您昨晚離去這地球. 我抱歉,我們不是像父親和女兒能一樣緊密, 但我還是很哀傷的. 我希望您將平安的休息,並且對祖母說你好......您兩個現在是在一起....我肯定的在天堂. 很多人說,我們真正的相似.....我希望我能繼續您的優良,並且以某種方法使您驕傲. 我們將設法照顧繼母,您不要擔心! 到我們再見面時,好好睡吧!


您的大女兒,

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What's been happening

Hey folks!

I haven't posted lately because not too much has happened lately. The GF and I are about to hit our birthdays in a few weeks from now. I have gotten that much closer to getting out the of service, my grandfather, although healthy, has been fading in energy and just general interest in things, the GF has cut down her work hours as an effort to maintain her sanity and have time to do some volunteer work that she has been wanting to do. I have been at my "new" gig now for about 4 months now....and while I'm okay with it, the sitting in traffic everyday kills me a little everyday.

Things are not that bad, and with the occasional trips out of town, there is actually some sense of excitement.

Like when we drove up to New Jersey to see "MacBeth", and then a visit to Kevin Smith's "Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash".....it was good to see the old home state!

For our birthdays, we are going to drive down to Asheville, NC...to visit with these two friends that we've met through blogging and we hope that it'll be a good trip and meet up! (We've never all met in person before.)

I am sorry that I don't have any newer and exciting detail....but stay tuned!