Happy birthday!

To my lovely, great smelling, and very sexy GF!  I love you!  I am sorry that we could not drive down to NC and on top of that, I will have to fly to Taiwan soon.....I will definitely take care of things when I get back.  Thank you for putting up with me, and I hope you'll have many, many more birthdays!!!!

Your dorj

Question

The GF has been really concerned about my emotional well-being, with my father having just passed away, and not knowing exactly when he'll be brought to his final resting place -or even where that'll be. (Because my father had passed away abroad, their police will probably need to perform an autopsy on him so that a cause of death could be determined... which does not sit easy with my stepmother, and frankly, I am not sure that I want his body to be invaded like that... however, that is something that is most likely required by law than anything else.)

I have to admit that I've had a medium scaled breakdown... thinking about how my grandfather would feel once he found out that his son is gone, just like that, also the slow and seeping realization that I will NEVER see him, hear his voice, or smell his foot odor (he had really bad foot odor) from the next room ever again... not on this green earth... just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have dealt with the loss of a loved one once, but that event was not something that was completely unanticipated. I was devastated, but eventually, I got to a point where it's feeling more "okay" now than immense sadness. In this case, even though I was not close to my father, the regrets and little memories of him nevertheless are just as intense and the unexpectedness of his death is not only sad but confusing to me.

Some in my reserve unit, like my commander, have offered for me to call them anytime to talk should I feel the need to... but I know stuff like this just makes them cringe and very uncomfortable... so I simply thanked them politely. People at work have offered their condolences... but (not that I am doubting their sincerities) ... but it just feels so surreal. When I wake up, the first thing that comes into my head is "my father has died"... like some kind of reminder that this is not, unfortunately, a dream.

The GF asked me how I felt, because I don't always show my emotions on my face. I asked her how do you show sadness, confusion, fear, and regret on one face?

Rest in peace, dad

My father passed away suddenly last night, while he was vacationing in Taiwan. The whole family's still in some kind of shock right now... my grandmother had just passed away not too long ago. Although me and my father were not close, it nevertheless is just as sad and shocking to me. My stepmother is inconsolable and is on her way to Taiwan as I am typing this. I will most likely be traveling back also to escort his body back to the stateside for burial... in his usual fashion, he never did leave a will to the effect of what he wanted to do with his remains. My grandfather doesn't know it yet.... I don't know how or when to tell him... you just don't expect your own son to go before you do.

I hope that he's in heaven right now with his mother, as some sort of weird coincidence, or some kind of pre-destiny, both mom and son had passed away in their sleep... I only hope that I'll be as lucky when it's my time to go.

Below is a short eulogy to him. I typed it in Chinese, my father never really learned much English while he was alive so I thought that I'd type it in Chinese so he'll be able to understand.

爸爸:

很難相信, 您昨晚離去這地球. 我抱歉,我們不是像父親和女兒能一樣緊密, 但我還是很哀傷的. 我希望您將平安的休息,並且對祖母說你好......您兩個現在是在一起....我肯定的在天堂. 很多人說,我們真正的相似.....我希望我能繼續您的優良,並且以某種方法使您驕傲. 我們將設法照顧繼母,您不要擔心! 到我們再見面時,好好睡吧!


您的大女兒,

蛋蛋

This is funny

see more crazy cat pics

What's been happening

Hey folks!

I haven't posted lately because not too much has happened lately. The GF and I are about to hit our birthdays in a few weeks from now. I have gotten that much closer to getting out the of service, my grandfather, although healthy, has been fading in energy and just general interest in things, the GF has cut down her work hours as an effort to maintain her sanity and have time to do some volunteer work that she has been wanting to do. I have been at my "new" gig now for about 4 months now....and while I'm okay with it, the sitting in traffic everyday kills me a little everyday.

Things are not that bad, and with the occasional trips out of town, there is actually some sense of excitement.

Like when we drove up to New Jersey to see "MacBeth", and then a visit to Kevin Smith's "Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash".....it was good to see the old home state!

For our birthdays, we are going to drive down to Asheville, NC...to visit with these two friends that we've met through blogging and we hope that it'll be a good trip and meet up! (We've never all met in person before.)

I am sorry that I don't have any newer and exciting detail....but stay tuned!

moar humorous pics

My dog Ramen had an operation a few days ago to remove cysts on his head and his chest. He also had a much-needed dental cleaning while he's under anesthesia because for the life of me, I could not brush his teeth no matter how much I had tried.

Poor dog, now he's got two bald spots where the cysts were removed....looked like he had a lobotomy! He was also quite groggy for the next day and the half. It was sad but also a bit funny to see him stumbling around like a drunk!

Cute, but no depth.

Thank you, Tian!

End of the year....

Hello everyone! As the GF is watching the historic game between the Patriots and the Giants, I am in my 2nd. hour of net surfing. We also recently flew back from her family in Dallas. It was really good to see the nephew... all six years old full of energy, stubbornness, and snuggles! We got the GF's parents a computer and we hope that as they enter the information age, they'll be able to communicate via e-mail, shop, and even surf some porn on their new computer! They (her folks) have worked hard all of their lives to raise their kids and now they're raising their grandson, and I just hope that one day, they'll finally be able to live a more comfortable and peaceful life.

I am going to fly back to my family for the new year and try to spend some quality time with my grandfather and my sister. I wish that we all lived closer, because the older I get, the less time I get to spend with them. Things don't feel the same since the passing of my grandmother, and I still miss her immensely. I still, however, have my grandfather and I am really appreciative of him! About my own mom and dad? I wish that things were different, and as much as we are civil with each other, I think they dropped the ball on my sister and I shortly after we were born... even though I don't really think that it was our fault, I think that sooner or later, the effects of their actions or inactions will come back to haunt all of us.

Nevertheless, 2008 is coming, and I am hopeful that it'll be a good year. I think I am going to try and make this military thing a part of my past, so wish me luck! I think the army has a lot of other young and motivated individuals that they can choose from instead of me, a semi-motivated, aging, and achy atypical Asian woman! I hope that I'll be able to understand my pets better, treat my GF better, maybe add an addition or two to our family, be more healthy, read more, and talk to God more.

I hope your new year will be a good one for you and yours too!

This is my dog, Ramen, and this is a picture of him in full "combat gear" for his walk in the snow a few nights ago. Doesn't he look thrilled?

I've arrived at my new job, the higher paying but longer commute and much more taxed one. I don't know how long I'll be there, but at least I'm not in that pot of drama at the last job post anymore. Even my then manager has managed to get another gig...yes, the upper management was that bad that everyone of us have decided to leave.

My last day at the previous job went better than I had expected it to be. Thank God! Maybe fate, or whatever is at play will somehow bring all of us back again, hopefully in better times and circumstances, you know?

The GF and I are going to her home for Christmas, and I'll then travel to my grandfather and sisters to be with them for a few days. I am guilty for not calling my grandfather more often. Granted, he doesn't like to talk on the phone much, but it's the effort that counts, right? I think it'll be good to spend some time with both families....and even better to be away from the traffic and the blahness of this place.

The GF is not having a good time at her job because of the various lazy people with attitudes who work around her. Listening to her, it makes me sad for her that, for someone so smart and hardworking, she still has to put up with this shit. It makes working from home or working in a smaller doctor's office setting so much more attractive. She has updated her profile on monster.com and will do some more research so that she can find some other opportunities hopefully come beginning of the year. I just wish that her next work crew will be so much better than her current ones.

More later....still got to get X'mas gifts!....Trying like heck to avoid the malls!

Updates

The picture to the left is the city that I've been to 2x now this month for some of my reserve duties. Okay, I didn't exactly work in Seattle, but close enough. ( I was at an army post in the nearby area.)

First of all, I just wanted to thank my GF for being so patient with me and my travels (including the travel delays), taking care of the pets, and just keeping everything in order. I really wish that I could have taken her with me to Seattle, but then again....I probably was too busy playing soldier that we most likely could not have done much.

While I cannot say too much about what had happened with the army stuff while I was in Seattle, I do have to say that I am realizing that I am just not the type to play politics in order to climb up in rank. I have put in a lot of time and effort into the army thing and it's really starting to interfering with my job, as well as my personal life....as much as I really like the people in my unit, there is just no way that they can know about my GF....even if the current chain of command is made up of some really good people, it's not a guarantee that the good attitude will stay the same...with all the different people that I'll be in contact with.

I think a lot of people that I know in my unit are feeling burned out also, with obligations at their day jobs as well as their reserve duties. It is really hard to please everyone.
I have also decided to start a new job that'll pay me more $. I don't know how long I'll stay at that job, but for the time being, it'll help us pay off some of our debts, and that'll be less of a weight on our shoulders.
We didn't goto our homes for thanksgiving, instead, we spent it in our apt. and cooked a 19 lbs. turkey. The GF knows how much I LOVE eating turkey, and the broth that it can make :-) We'll do X'mas at her home and I'll most likely do new years at my grandfather's in Houston. I so wish that my grandmother is still here....she really loved the holidays.
I hope that y'all had a good thanksgiving! I'd like to give a shoutout to all the good folks of the Pacific Northwest and hope to visit again soon!

Well, there was a job proposition that I had received a few months ago for a lot more $. Uncertainty about the company and the nature of the work involved prompted me to say no to them.

Now to the present, I am feeling a kind of sick and depressed about my job....everyone from my company that works on site is contemplating going somewhere else to work. About a week ago, that same company approached me again, offering me that same job for that same amount of money.

Needless to say, I am very tempted. I also don't want to get screwed by being naive about this. So next week, I'm going to meet with one of their managers, along with a friend of mine, to see if they're full of shit or are they at least halfway sincere.

Next week is also the week that I'll be flying to my reserve unit's headquarter for this leadership conference. Which is kind of funny and sad to me at the same time. My unit is so new, unbalanced, and almost kind of broken because no one really knows what roles they're playing and how to do their jobs. I've got this guy in my platoon who is supposed to help me out in managing the troops but so far has been nothing but a whiner about every little thing. I don't have enough rank to move him or fire him.....so that will be really interesting. Wish me luck because I really don't deal with that sort of folks will. Of course, a big part of me is hoping that I'm wrong about how messed up things are.

For now, I'm enjoying the weekend with my GF...cleaning the house, eating well, and getting enough sleep. My hat tip to her because I really enjoy her company, and I'm really happy just lounging around with her, laughing with her, and snuggling! Without her around, I'd just sit and drool, and feeling really lost!

More later!

Lazy, hazy Sunday

The GF and I woke up early this morning to take part in her monthly women's' bike ride. We were supposed to meet up with a few of the riders at this bagel shop in another town. We did meet them at the parking lot of the bagel shop....however, the GF's bike also had a flat tire that basically ended our motorcycle ride.

We had to call a tower, took the bike to a repair shop (it was closed on Sundays), and the tower man was nice enough to take us to the nearest train station so we can get back home.

One of the good thing about having to wait for the tower was that we found a Chinese grocery store and got ourselves some almond cookies!

The GF was really disappointed though. I was a bit too....but there will be other rides and I am sure that we'll make them.

After we got back to the apt. We napped, watched t.v. (mostly sports), and now we're trying to figure out what to eat for dinner.

Oh, I think it's time for me to look for another gig....I think most people in the office are thinking the same way about their own jobs. This friend of mine from work and I are going to attend a job fair together next week....I wish that I could just somehow land a job (besides the army) that I can work until I retire....but my life is about change, I guess....I am so not like that though!

About this day job

As some of you may already know, I'm not in love with my day job right now, far from it, in fact. There is a lot of favoritism, bad rumors flying around about the security of our jobs as contractors for this particular company, and it just sort of all came to this point where I just had to say something to my company's local manager, who works just a few floors above me.

I sent her an e-mail in which I told her that I think that my days at this job are numbered... and that coming to work is starting to feel downright bad. My manager then summoned me upstairs so we could talk about it. I wasn't really afraid of anything at that point... she could have told me to suck it up or just quit, and I wouldn't really have cared. I probably could go back to active duty assignments with the army, and there are people who will help me get on orders. Or, I could always get another contractor job... although a less desirable option... having just gone through one.

To my surprise, my manger agreed with my points of view and even told me that she is thinking about leaving the company herself by the end of this year because of the lack of support from the headquarters of our company. I was sort of surprised but not overtly. I think out of the 6 of us contractors from our company, at best, there are two people who could say that they're somewhat happy, but if they have the option, they will get to somewhere else.

I think this thing called career is a very illusive one. I've never done the same thing for any of my jobs. I was a supply clerk in the army, then I became a linguist, and now I'm an intelligence analyst (just not fully trained). Who really knows what I'll do next? I'd like to think that I'm trying to be well rounded and flexible... but maybe I'm just being not very grounded and flip-flopping from one thing to another.

Oh well, at least for now, the bills are getting paid.

Gross! Yet kinda neat!

Courtesy Pop Candy.

I gave in.....

Yes, I am now a watcher of "The View"!!!! After years of trying not to watch the show,the GF and I have started to watch this show when Whoopi Goldberg started to co-host the show. We both enjoy Whoopi Goldberg and some of her comedy, and she has definitely been a lot better co-host than Rosie O' Donnell.
The GF would DVR the show every day, and we'd watch it after we get back from work.
We're definitely waltzing toward middle agehood! I'd even found myself wanting to be a member of the studio audience so that I might be able to win a free trip or something!