Back from Colorado

The GF and I just had just finished our first vacation after I came back from Iraq. Thank God for this past long weekend! The dog tagged along too for the long drive from here to Colorado Springs. Whoever said that Kansas was flat ought to have his or her eyes re-examined! There was a long road of nothing but hills and the only population were cattles and horses. It's kind of beautiful in a drug-induced haze sort of way.

On the way to and back, we listened to both AM an FM radio, as well as the IPOD, since the satellite radio portal has something wrong with it. Dammnit, I got the satellite radio for long drives!

We stayed at this econolodge on the edge of town, kind of a ghetto area, but it was fine since we were just there to lay our heads and eat the free breakfast.

The mountains were beautiful! We went to the zoo and saw giraffes necking, hippos feeding, and watched people like they're a part of the zoo display. Thanks to military discounts, we didn't have to pay for most of the tickets at full price. We also took the railroad to the top of Pikes Peak, it was really cold at the top, around 14,000+ ft. When we came down from the mountain, I got this raging headache that wouldn't go away, probably from the altitude. Should of had a shot of oxygen from the oxygen bar at the top of the mountain, $6 for 20 minutes, flavored too! I wondered about what it would be like, just to live on top of one of these mountains with no one but your signigicant other and maybe a few pets. I kind of feel like I live like that now, except for the 8 hours that I'll have to spend working. I think the GF would like to live in the mountainous states one of these days.

It was kind of surreal coming back to this part of the Midwest, not our absolute favorite, but hopefully, it won't be permanent. I think the GF said that she felt depression lift as soon as we drove out of Kansas. I kind of always have believed that you make the place that you are at, but so far, the Midwest have stumped me a bit.

Hooray for pink nipples!

They're so cute, young looking, and tender to the touch! They just remind me of pink cotton candies, and pink peeps (even though they're not my favorite candies), and strawberry flavored cakes with bits of real strawberries in it! Pink nipples are even better covered with either whipped cream, marachino cherries, or even honey drizzled on top of them!

I don't know what I'd do without them!

For Beth

Friday night
I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head
Well looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy,
that bitterness,
that ridicule
Saturday I'm running wild
And all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made
If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Babylon, Babylon
Sunday all the lights of London Shining ,
Sky is fading red to blue
I'm kicking through the
Autumn leaves
And wondering where it is you might be going to
Turning back for home
You know I'm feeling so alone
I can't believe
Climbing on the stair
I turn around to see you smiling there
In front of me
If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Babylon, Babylon, Babylon

Random brain stuff

From the GF (this is the sh*t!): http://cryingwhileeating.com/

The anti-commercials: Sprint guy and the Verizon guy, duking it out.

Jerrod from Subway shows us how he really lost all that
weight. (C'mon, no one can eat one type of food ALL THE
TIME without barfing it all up!)

Sarah Jessica Parker fighting Joss Stone because she wanted
her old job at The Gap back. (Imagine the screams from Joss!)

Rick Springfield finally confesses that he wished that he WAS
Jessie's girl.

Pornographic milk ad. (Think, "Milk, where's your mustache?")

Following the GAP ad. tradition, Jamie Lee Curtis cuts
Catherine Zeta-Jones to get her job at T-Mobile back.


Chinese breakfast: rice gruel, fried peanuts with a bit of salt, pickled cucumbers, smoked fish, or sardines, pork meat shreds, stinky tofu, cold tofu with soy sauce and thousand year old eggs, and soy milk, in both salty and sweet kind. (cold or hot, it doesn't matter....mmmmm.....!

That's about it for now...

Sick

I'm reporting in sick today, what began as a minor cold blossomed into something more. I feel all stopped up and my head feels 4 feet thick. I hope lots of water, soup and rest will do the trick to getting better!

It has been a pretty quiet day so far. The GF went to wal-mart and got some stuff so we could eat. The pets have been napping on and off all day long. I read some stuff online when the GF referred me to this site called "Trying to Grok", feel free to google the site! The author of the blog is a military wife, and she started to blog when her husband got deployed to Iraq and has been blogging ever since.

Her particular entry today was about how she has been so enriched by living as a military wife, in a military community, surrounded by military people. She mentioned a particular instance when she and her husband went on a cruise, and when she mentioned that they're from Missouri but now living in Germany because of the military, the rest of the people at the table got silent, almost uncomfortable and just stayed away from questions about what it was like in Iraq/Germany.

I'm glad that Mrs. Grok has found her niche, but I also thought that she had gone a bit too far. Perhaps some of the people on that cruise were uncomfortable talking about war, maybe they are opposed to it, or maybe the civilian and the military lifestyles are just so far apart that they didn't know what to ask. Sometimes when I read her blog, she seemed so gung-ho I thought she should have been the one who joined the army.

I think we all live with a degree of illusions about our lives, and you've got to draw a line somewhere. Let's be real here, military life may be great for some people, but it's stifling for others. Just because you had opted not to join the military, or have decided to get out after serving for awhile, doesn't mean that you are less patriotic than lifers.

Now back to nursing the cold!

Lovely weekend

Got words last night that my grandpa, after having made some improvement, was put back to intensive care unit for a high fever, probably due to bladder infection, and dangerously low blood pressure levels. As much as I am not ready or don't want it to happen, the end may be closer for my grandfather than ever. I also noticed that I've been closing in because of my worries for him, my grandma, who's in the throes of alzheimer's, and also work, I'm working with a whole bunch of really smart people, and to turn out quality products in short amount of time can be a bit trying.

So, if someone from home says the word, I'll be flying back home to try and see grandpa. I really hope he'll pull through again, but I also do realize that he is really old and tired.

The GF and I tried to take it easy this weekend, slept late yesterday and today. Went for a little bike ride, eat at a local pub, went to the zoo, and ate well. The weather was just great! It was just a bit on the cool side but at least it was sunny and pleasant. The zoo in Kansas City was okay, but there were not a lot of varieties of animals there, maybe they're having budgeting problems.

It wasn't all a loss at the zoo though, we were looking at the lions exhibit and we saw two lions getting it on!!!! Goto the photopage and check the pictures out. It was like watching animal porn! I thought that funniest part was the fact that there were lots of kids, toddler age, there and they didn't really know what was going on. I thought that the parents found the act amusing but were kind of stuck on answers for their kids. I heard one parent tell their kid, "They are hugging." I laughed so hard that I think some tears came out!

Every weekend should be this good, minus the bad news....

Paula Abdul and Corey Clark

Who really gives a shit about whether or not they had slept with each other. Why is Corey Clark such a loser, he lost the idolship on "American Idol", and life goes on, so he should get over it!

For those who actually give a damn about this issue, why don't y'all get back into something more meaningful like the Tupac conspiracy or something?

Tues. morning

My satellite radio has been acting up lately, not getting much reception, don't know whether or not it has something to do with the wiring or the antenna, or the satellite that transmits the signals is about to go bad.

It has been a very trying past couople of days, I think the GF's faith in the future and us level is at a all time low. She said that I've pretty much checked out on the relationship two years ago...right around the time that I got deployed. I don't want the relationship to go out like that, but if being together is going to feel worse than being along, then what is the sense in that? She doesn't think that I try and has always put myself first in the relationship, and I really hope that I wasn't really like that.

I'm not trying to make exucses about how hard it was being deployed and everything, I tried and adapted somewhat, I had to try and make the best of the situation,even though the process of it had been not the best.

I don't know how but I hope things would somehow improve between us, I really hope so.

Happy Friday

It has been kind of quiet at work today, since it's Friday, no one's mind was really at work, and some have even taken the day off or left work early. The people who are there tried to stay somewhat focused by taking frequent smoke or coffee breaks. In a place to which not much goes on, I wonder what people are so anxious about when it comes to Fridays. I mean, do they go and gorge themselves on bad movies on DVD and food? Or do they go home and have marathon sex?

The GF went to play poker earlier in the day but quickly got out because today wasn't a good poker day for her. She was really disappointed. I think I disappointed her even more when we went bike riding and I left her behind when she got tired. We went riding on some back country road near where we live at, and I have to admit the hills kicked my butt too, almost crashed 2x. I didn't mean to, but lately I don't think I've done a lot of stuff that has impressed her lately.

Been having a lot of strange dreams,not all of which I remember, but I do know that they were strange, and it puzzles me somewhat as to why I'm having these dreams.

It's a quiet night,after the bike ride,none of us really wanted to do or say much. Maybe things will perk up more tomorrow. Off to bed now.

what's going on....

We've been living in this part of the Great Midwest for almost a month now, and both of us are trying not to feel like that we've moved into a complete cultural vacuum. It seems like you've basically got to drive 30+ minutes to get to anywhere. There seem to be a lack of available jobs, culture, ethnic eateries, and everything just seems to be really free-floating.

I've been trying to do some cycling, and for what little social interaction it offers, it's just another way to really try and enjoy the sceneries, you know, lots of rolling hills and farmlands. Working on a military post means that you get to enjoy certain amenities such as the gym and the swimming pool, but as I get to do these things, I feel more or less like I am on auto-pilot, these people really do keep to themselves.

One would think that by moving to a place where nothing is happening, one would be more apt to read more, write more, or even develop a new skill right? So far, that hasn't been the case, I'm ashamed to say. My dog is, however, getting more time spent with nature, I call it "grass time", it's better for the poopy! The cats are getting by, but I'm sure that they'd be so much happier to get back outside and play!

So we'll just have to keep on keeping on....because there just isn't much left to do....

So far....

Had a fairly quiet weekend, did the grocery shopping thing, the movie thing ("Kung-Fu Hustle" kinda funny, you should go and see it!), some heart to heart time with the GF (she said that I was being a lot like her in the stuff that I had been thinking about. I just wasn't sure if I could do the emotional support thing for her much anymore, if I wasn't doing a good job from before.), and we closed the weekend with a meeting with the gal that I had messed with while I was in Iraq! She just came back from a four-week training in California and was stopping by the post to pick up some stuff for her uniform.

Amazingly, the GF was cool with it, and I guess that gal was too. She met my pets, saw the new apt., chit chatted about her new boyfriend that she swore was "the one", and all the time I was curious about how the GF thought of her and vise versa. I think the GF would rather me not ever talk to her again, and that just may be what would happen, changes in life and passage of time would take care of that. I didn't think that being mean was the way to go.

It has been diffucult lately, we just moved, and I was gone again to see my folks, and it's just so damn easy to become ultra-sensitive about all things. I'd like to sleep for a week straight, veg out with the GF and the pets, talking about anything but the sensitive topics that have no easy answers, and just go on from there.

sex

* It should be butt-nekked.

* Both (or however many partners you'd prefer at once) should have been showered and clean, none of that heavily perfumed shit.

* Sweat should only be for afterwords.

* Stupid shit should not be uttered during sex, sometimes, "ohhs, and ahhhhs" would do fine.

* If you are not done, and she (or he) is, go ahead and jack off.

* Never attempt any positions that you are not flexible enough or in shape for.

* Keep the farting to a minimum.

* Scented candles, scented candles!

* "Oh you are so big!" should be uttered only at the right moments.

* Hands, hands are very important.

* No excessive spit.

* Please brush and gargle before, not after.

* Make sure that positionally speaking, you two (or three or four) are in agreement.

* Lube!

* Make sure your toys are fun and can pack some punches! (not literally, but the stronger the viberation, the better it is.)

* Ventilation, very important for oral sex performance. (If you don't want to pass out.)

* There's nothing wrong with either dick or pussy.

* Don't forget to snuggle afterwards!

Update

On this past Saturday, I got a phone call from my sister, telling me that my grandpa got into the hospital a few hours ago, dangerously low blood pressure got him in an ambulance. She said that my uncle (who usually is around my grandparents a lot) was close to tears as he was calling her. We agreed to get plane tickets for flights leaving our perspective towns at the earliest time possible.

I had just moved, and this is not the kind of stuff that I needed, but who's really in control of all this anyways? I frantically looked for plane tickets and finally found one leaving at 6 in the morning and with a military discount. It was already close to one in the morning, I was tearing up too. The gf was looking and I'm sure feeling helpless for me too. I cried for a bit and told her that I wasn't ready to see him go, who is?

Didn't get much sleep that night, arrived at the airport, met up with my sister, and rushed towards the hospital. Grandpa was in intensive care unit, and he was all tubed up from breathing tubes, IV lines, to catheters in his groin area. I've never seen him so helpless. His eyes couldn't even open because he was so weak. How did it all get so bad? I just talked to him on the phone a day earlier, he sounded weak but was hanging in there.

He had over 8 doctors of different specialities examine him, and no one really has any answers on why he was ill. All they could do is treat whatever symptoms that comes up. I think his will is very strong, I've seen him attempt to communicate, and struggle to open his eyes. All the members of the family pulled different shifts to be in ICU with him, then taking turns taking care of grandma, who has been freaking out (rationally or irrationally), and getting boxed lunches for those pulling their shifts in the hospital. That means not a lot of sleep for anyone and lots of over-flavored Chinese foods.

Everyone was frustrated but did their best to get along, however, I could no longer stand one of my aunt's (not the one that I grew up with) negative atttitudes towards me and the general scenario of trying to take care of the folks, so instead of exploding in front of her face, I wrote her a serious letter, asking her to cut the crap out, that no one is asking her to be anyone's best friend, but could she just be more mature about this whole thing. I had withstood her attitude over the years but it's getting ridiculous, you know?

I felt afraid, tired, and not knowing what to do all at the same time. Questioning my relationships with family, friends,and gf, and wondering if I should just be a hermit, drop out of life for a while and then start again.

Yet, looking at grandpa and how he's fighting for his life, there are still some things worthwhile and in a way, I know at least what some of them are.

The tale of two bitches

As most of you probably already knew, I was raised by my paternal grandparents, followed by a few years of living with my aunt (my father's younger sister), and uncle (her husband). In my recollection, life was pretty peaceful with my grandparents, and life with aunt and uncle was a whole other matter. I had always admired my aunt from when I was a little girl, I was born when she was in high school and since she was my mother's age, some people had mistaken us for mother and daughter. Something happened over the years and she became a picky and domineering woman, and my primary memory from the age of 10 to about 17, (I had also lived for 2 years in between with my father and stepmother, who really should have not become parents to start with.)I remember the daily yellings and lots of that psychological manipulation stuff. She dominated me and my uncle, and my uncle and I are cordial, but we were never close to began with.

I finally moved out to goto college, thus ending that part of my life with her. Don't get me wrong, she had all the best intentions, she just pushed me too hard from time to time. She's now in her 50's and has a son of her own since I left to goto college, he's an smart and active 15 year old. She works in the textile industry and has her one woman ran business. I don't know how big or how profitable her business is, but it frequently takes her to Southeast Asia for business. She's so ambitious that I don't think she'll retire any time soon.

My uncle, her younger brother, always have been the smartest and upright kid of his pack, did just about everything right, except that he married this seemingly sweet woman who basically turned out to be a total bitch. Maybe he had married the type that he fancied, someone masochistic always seems to want someone sadistic to be their partner. She was a Vietnamese immigrant from a large family, met my uncle while they were both graduate students, and married in the mid-80's. At first she was pretty sweet, then something happened, as if she had forgotten that a typical Asian family is, in nature, a large family with all 3-4 generations present and living in close proximity. Maybe she got sick of the fact that my grandparents chose to live nearby and wanted to be involved in their kids lives, who really knows why. She got bitter and angry over the years and even though she didn't yet lash out, with the ways that she carried herself around my uncle side of the family, she might as well have.

When my grandpa got ill, my aunt flew down for a week to help and take care of him. There were a lot of tension between her and my uncle, over what the best care was for grandpa, and it really helped when my uncle wife would occasionally cry out "Why me? What did I do to deserve caring for this family?" In reality, it has been my uncle, her long-suffering husband, who has been taking care of the folks, bringing home the pay so she didn't have to go and find a job, and shuttling the kids from and to school and all the activities that they do. (To tell you the truth, my cousins, all three of them, ages range from 11 to 16, couldn't stand to lift a finger either to help their dad out.) I can only imagine how my aunt was feeling at that point. You see, my aunt, after having pissed off so many people, business associates, family and friends alike, will not hesitate to get into a full-fledge fight with her sister-in law. I only hope that when they do duke it out, it'll not be in front of the grandparents or my uncle.

Maybe they are just what each other needs, one to vent and the other to take.

It also kind of makes me afraid to have kids sometimes, am I going to raise them mostly Chinese or American? Am I going to pressure my kids to take care of me if I fell ill or have gotten really, really old? Or do I want us to be in a nursing home, with other old folks like us, that'll probably feel like we're back in college again...dormatory style living, all over again! Hopefully, by then we'll be so deep into our amnesia or alzheimers to really care!

My thoughts are with my grandparents.

Update

As of yesterday afternoon, we're all packed, the movers came and loaded our earthly posessions onto a 18 wheeler, stuffed the cat into the cage (they are so going to kill us later!), and packed the dog in GF's car and off we went.

Boy am I going to miss Austin! Even though this city has been poor in job opportunities and rich in flaky people, you can't beat the warm weather, the food (oh yeah!), and its various interesting aspects. A friend of mine from my Iraq days came to say hello. It was kind of weird time, he was on a cross-country trip, kind of a reward/job search trip upon his retirement from the army. He's rather young for someone who is retiring (38), and is about to pull his hair out because he thought that getting a job would be easy upon retirement, after all, the war on terror is still going on, and he being ex-military, would be game for any defense contracting firm. The thing is, he was either too busy or unwilling to pick up additional skills aside from driving a tank, and chasing girls, so he's having a hard time now.

It's funny, he didn't have that much of fun in Iraq, since his girl chasing reputation preceeded him. For a while, he had a crush on my then roommate in Iraq, unfortunatly, his devotion did not yield to what he had wanted. He's a self-confessed pervert, but that was what was so enduring about him, at least he was honest about it. He told me over coffee that he thought that I was a bit of a prude when it came to that area....I just laughed. You see, one doesn't always have to be downloading porn all the time in order to be a perv. It was good to see him, between all the worries about jobs and frustration, I wish for all the best for him!

I also, through my friend, got to talk to another friend of mine from Iraq. She was a postal clerk there, and she came back to the reserves after about a 15 year break. Kind of interesting, like myself, she's not very military at all. A 47 year old free spirit, and a vegan, we had fun making fun of things and sometimes other people. She had kept in touch with my other friend but couldn't get in touch with me because she did not have my information. When I finally got to talk to her, I found out that she wasn't doing well. The war has affected her so much that now she's on antidepressants, and in counseling. It sucks but at least she's making an effort to help herself better.

My grandfather has become quite ill, and so far no one really knows why he's ill. His doctor thought that he had a stroke, but a brainscan found out that it wasn't true. Guesses included diabetes, chemical inbalance, etc. He's in a stupor all the time, cannot stay awake, doesn't really want to eat, and also cannot walk. I'm pretty worried about him. I know that he's pretty old and falling apart physically is part of the deal, but nevertheless, it's still pretty hard to accept. I really hope he feels better soon.

I've got to somehow buckle down and get back to work, unpack, and make our lives in a strange new place again. I have no idea how it'll all turn out, I hope that it'll be good though.

This moving thing is complicated!

I'm in the process of moving from this place to the Great Midwest (can you just detect a pinch of sarcasm?), and the army has given me 2 weeks to do so.

That's not enough time, according to both the army movers and civilian movers.

We've got a lot of $*&t to pack, and so far, we're less than 1/3 done.

Of course, the person responsible for handling my moving with the gov't is out today also...

...I think I'm about to pull out my pubes!

On the other view of the war...

Below is an except from "Strykernews.com", from the newpaper "The Olympian":

Division over war bared

OLYMPIA -- Two years and 1,519 U.S. casualties after the start of war in Iraq, family members of a soldier who died early in the conflict said there is no reason to keep fighting.

The widow and older sister of Spc. Joe Blickenstaff told more than 200 people Saturday that the continued occupation of Iraq would only bring more harm to soldiers, both U.S. and Iraqi.

Read the Entire Entry...»




The group gathered Saturday on the Capitol Campus before marching downtown, while a smaller group marked the day on an overpass north of Lacey, where they have gathered every Saturday since the war began to support the military.

Blickenstaff, a gunner with the Fort Lewis-based Stryker Brigade, died in Iraq on Dec. 8, 2003, in a rollover accident in his Stryker. He was 23, the youngest of four children.

"My baby brother drowned in an irrigation canal filled with mud," said Susan Livingston, a teacher's assistant in Bellingham.

Angela Blickenstaff, the soldier's widow, spoke out against the war for the first time. Blickenstaff is in the National Guard, and has refrained from joining peace movements because of her military service, she said.

"I was told by other members of the military it would be OK to put a bumper sticker on my car, but if I spoke at a rally it would be unpatriotic and unsupportive of the troops," said the 25-year-old widow, who lives in Tacoma. [...]

Near Fort Lewis, about 20 people gathered to wave U.S. flags at the Interstate 5 overpass at exit 122. Like some of the peace protesters, many of them were veterans and family members of soldiers.

Mark Ceccarelli, a retired Marine from Lakewood, plays the trumpet on the overpass almost every Saturday to show his support of the soldiers.

"They won't let me carry a rifle anymore, so this is how I support them," he said. "I carry the flag for them. It's what I can do."

Olympia resident Mitzi Leifer often attends pro-troops rallies, although she didn't Saturday. Her son is an Air Force pilot stationed in the Pacific, who occasionally flies missions in the Middle East. Iraq is better off now than it was two years ago, she said.

"The election was one major event that will help the tides to change," said Leifer. "There are still some car bombings going on and people wanting to kill us. When the president said it's going to be a long road, I believe that."

Seeing peace protests sometimes upsets her, although it doesn't seem to upset her son, she said.

"I've learned to ignore them and kind of bless them," she said. "If they want to believe that, that's their right, just don't spit on my son when he comes home."

Livingston is still proud of her brother's military service, she said. But she wishes she could see him alive again. She said she wants to see more soldiers' families spared that grief, and save soldiers the pain of injury and mental illness like post-traumatic stress disorder.

"I said goodbye to him in November of 2003. He came home in his coffin a month later," said Livingston.

Livingston and her mother met with President Bush at Fort Lewis shortly after the soldier died. Bush was visiting the Army post and meeting with Gold Star families -- the families of dead soldiers.

"He told my mom, 'I'm going to make sure your son didn't die in vain.' He was telling all the mothers that," Livingston recalled. "I admire staying power, but in this case it terrified me. He's not going to stop.

"A thousand coffins have come home since Joe's and it's still in vain," she said.

*Not to get political here, but when I'd think about the seemingly unfounded connection between the weapons of mass destruction issue (that was subsequently glossed over when none were found in Iraq.), and the "Axis of evil" concept (now Iraq is a hotbed of anti-US insurgent activities.), it does also make me wonder about when will Mr.Bush be satisfied and start devising a more sound plan to revitalize Iraq, instead of having all these soldiers come back from Iraq and Afghnistan in coffins, and suffering from permanent injuries/PTSD's) Is it any wonder that the military is having a hard time maintaining its retention goals? After all the commotions and emotions has passed, you are going to have people question if its all really worth it.

Not to get on a soapbox here, but one of the ways to improve the present situation is by dialoguing between those who oppose and those who support to military cause. Learn as much as we can from this experience and do it better next time around.

I had a good time hanging out with my sister!

My sister's 26 years old, and we did not grow up together like other siblings. She is my only sibling,and shortly after she was born, my parents got divorced. She came to live stateside when I was about to graduate from high school. Not having much interaction with each other, we sort of just left each other alone to do our own thing.

Over the years, however, concerns about our birth parents and grandparents sort of brought us together. I try not to lecture like a typical older sister, thankfully, she's stubborn enough not to really listen to me. Even though I'm older, I'm not sure that I'm that much wiser.

She eventually met this man and got married after being with him on and off for the last 8 years, and divorced little bit before the year was through. He basically used her and for a while, then basically got sick of her and left.

So now she lives along with her beagle and is feeling quite lonely. Since I only see her during family gatherings, I decided to take a weekend and go see her. I got really lucky and got to fly for free because of frequent flyer miles.

She lives in the surburb of Milwaukee, on the Illnois side, and before I started my journey, I told her that we were just going to hang out, eat, and play with her dog, and that's exactly what we did. Between bites of Japanese, American, Indian, and Thai foods, we talked about everything. There were tiny moments of almost complete disagreement, but we just relaxed and didn't pursue the issues too much further. We're very similar, but also very different, we'll both do whatever that we wanted to do, just with different styles and different levels of guilt.

I can see that she feels quite lonly, but out of her recent heartbreak, she has come out stronger and better.

I had a good time, it's good to have a sister that I can get along with!

Congratulations, Colby Buzzell!...and other stuff.

I ran across Colby Buzzell's blog today, and it seems like a major publisher will publish a book on his experiences in Iraq, a lot of it will probably be taken from his blog "My War".

I don't know if he's still in the army, but he's way to creative to stay in. I'm pretty proud of him, in some ways, he's sort of like a war buddy who had made it. We were both in Iraq around the same time, even though we had stayed on different bases and didn't know each other.

I wish that I was as good of a writer as he is, I mean, picking up a publishing deal is a big thing. Not only will one get a lot of $, but just imagine if also your book got picked up for a major motion picture! I think one will also have the first say about who plays what characters...pretty cool!

I wonder if the powers that be are already developing screenplays about this war, somehow, I didn't think that "Three Kings" had a really good perspective on what it was really like back in the first Gulf War, but then again, it was only a semi-factual fiction.

I'm trying to not watch a lot of documentaries which were recently made about the war, I don't want my brain to be saturated with that stuff. I mean, most of the people in this world do not wear desert camoulflaged uniforms or eat MRE's. Occasionally, a few of those documentaries are really worth looking at though. One of my biggest, and probably the most irrational, fear is that I'll be so deeply entrenched in the military and its ways of doing things that I can no longer really think for myself. (on a grander scale) Yet, look at me, less than 4 months after I came back, I'm back in uniform again, working on a military post, and probably will stay this way for at least the next 2 years (and that might even change!). Doing exactly what I said that I no longer wanted any more part of...so never say never, I guess.

It's not all that bad though, I work for and with some of the smartest and most relaxed people that I've ever met, that's one step closer to the job nirvana. I'm of the school that one should get the tasks at hand completed, minimize the bullshit, and pack up and enjoy the rest of the day.

I miss the girlfriend and the pets...what really matters, above the jobs and everything else.

Bradli N. Coleman

It has been about not quite 6 months since I've gotten back from Iraq, and once again I have to say that I've been fairly lucky not to have any body parts missing, or dead. I did witness quite a few close calls and one of which ended up with the death of a very young soldier, unfortunately. His name was Bradli Coleman, and I couldn't say that I knew him in life, but I wonder if he has any ideas how he's influencing me in death.

I don't know why I've chosen to write about him and the event of his demise about almost one year (will be in May) after it had happened, but I've never stopped thinking about what had happed that day....especially when I could not goto sleep. I'd also think about my friend Hakim, one of the native translators who had gotten murdered shortly after our group had left. Sometimes, I'd see Bradli laying there, covered in blood after they took him out of his burning trailer, his trailer was mortared that afternoon while he was sleeping, since he had worked the night shift, he had on this army brown tee shirt and army PT shorts, and he was just lifeless while medic tried like heck to revive him. Not exactly the way that I'd like to remember someone, I'm not sure if anyone would like to be remembered like that either.

Yet, it's not always that sad. I don't know if having watched him die had conveyed also a different message to those who where there also. You see, Bradli was only 19 and barely got started in his adult life, and I'm 32, also kind of barely lived. Oh sure I've been to many places, and met a lot of people, but I can't say that I've done that much or have been intimate with many people, and I'm not talking about sex. His death reminds that, for God's sake, start living and do it like you mean it, because for whatever reasons, guys like Bradli won't get to do it.

It's like that scene in "Saving Private Ryan", when Tom Hank's character was dying, he told Private Ryan to "live a good life", in some ways, Bradli has been telling me that, and I hope that, somehow, he knows how much I appreciate him for that.